butterscotch

On a roll here...

Despite my fever, I pre-heated, mixed, lined, poked and cut.

I sampled too!

It was nostalgic. I was suddenly reminded of summer breaks and car pooling.

I am very excited for the person I'm with to give it a go seeing how much he loved the carrot cake.

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I did tell my best friend that I baked some and I was just too happy to receive as sms from her that said "Wow.  My favorite butterscotch--reminds me of high school".

I may be able to get some to her on Tuesday.

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Yesterday, I bought cupcake bakeware planning to make red velvet ones next week.

I don't think the person I'm with had made up his mind if it's love or hate for red velvet, and I am hoping to sway him to loving it. So, I decided that I'd play with the recipe and add dark chocolate chips--a touch that he'd definitely welcome.

Can hardly wait for the next baking session.

the voice(mail)

I was watching a clip from a talk by the founder of postsecret about people saving voicemail of loved ones so that if something happens to any of these people, they could at least hear their voices again. I turned, teary eyed from the monitor to the person I'm with and said "We don't leave voicemails. Or videos." and as if there was nothing else to do, I hugged him and cried a little. I blame my period. Really. Well, not really. --- I'm always torn somewhat thinking that I'd rather live the moment than capture the moment. --- Yesterday I was watching South Park and it was about Stan's Grandpa reviewing his life and realising that losing his dog was one of the darkest moments in his life, only he can't even remember how the dog looks like. --- Moments are fleeting. Memories are not perfect. Would you want to perfectly remember a moment you struggled to have or struggle remembering a perfect moment? --- I told the person I'm with that I wanted to start saving more memories, just because. But truly, I am not sure. --- I don't know if my stand will change, if something happens. What to do?

pinoy sunday

Thanks to my friend's foreign colleague, we got wind of Pinoy Sunday.

It delights me whenever I come across good Filipino movies or movies with Filipino actors. This one in particular had all Filipino cast with a foreign director.

As we were watching--on a Saturday (BUT... seated on a couch!) we were talking about experiences working away from home and agreed that no matter where you are in the world, the stories are well, the same.

I won't go as far as writing these stories, as I don't want to spoil anything. But I do want to say that these ring true to the life of a Filipino abroad, and I found myself laughing and feeling that pinch in my heart almost alternately.

Manuel and Dado were factory workers in Taiwan and as you guessed, had an interesting incident involving a couch. Obviously, it wasn't just a couch. Like all other proverbial errrr, couches.

No heavy drama here (which I love!).

There were some things that got lost when the movie was subtitled--but that couldn't be helped. I'm sure though that people who can't understand Tagalog (that is the Filipino language), will warm to Epy (Manuel) and Bayani (Dado) who played the lead roles.

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I hope that more people watch this. It is also a good reminder that for some people, Sundays could be quite literally the only thing that they look forward to--for months even. So maybe, one ought to cut them some slack if they could be quite chatty or seemingly rowdy, remind yourself that if you were in their shoes, you'd be excited on Sundays too.

this too shall pass

One of the yoga teachers that I had gotten so used to seeing said that today would be his last class here. He is moving back to his hometown.

This was also one of the best classes we had in a long time.

It is funny how I was thinking the other day that lately, he didn't seem to be too enthusiastic in class and that maybe I could go to the sessions with other instructors.

Near the end of today's class, I thought "he's back". Only. He is leaving.

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I remember the last exam I had in college. I did extremely well, and I thought "that was fun". Only. It was the last one.

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Maybe it is human nature that when you begin to see the end, you suddenly have that surge of energy. Even enthusiasm.

Patience comes easy when you know the situation is temporary. Or ending.

The funny thing is that it is known that everything will pass.

I think this is a truth I sometimes forget when I am frustrated. Then maybe, i'd do better :-)

questions

Sometimes there are questions that we ask ourselves or other people that couldn't be answered, maybe because the answers are lost to us. Or just plain lost.

Maybe, no one dares to answer.

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Asking questions comes very naturally to me, maybe it is because a huge part of what I do is centered around getting answers, clarifying, elaborating and encouraging scrutiny of what is being said. Interestingly, part of the job too is assuming that all statements are true--for the speaker, hence I am tasked to extract the actual truth.

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Today, I asked a question. The answer I was given was that there is no answer.

I wonder what is the actual truth in that.

you say it best...

There was once a time that I could have talked to a certain friend for... days.

Somehow things have happened that I could not get two words out when we are around each other.

I wouldn't say we lost it, because you never really lose what had been built. And there were no destructive events either.

Maybe, our season had passed. Maybe we had both moved on and could no longer relate to each other.

It is sad. I know though that at the right time or situation, things would pick up. And if they don't, then...we'd always have our moments.

Why does this read like goodbye?

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It had not been writing as much sunday entries for a while--I guess my sundays had changed.

one that (swim)suits me

In line with a beach trip that had just been booked, I started to go through my beachwear stash. As I love going to the beach, I have a trolley filled with various beach outfits. As I went through them though, I realised that a good majority of them no longer represented the current me.

My heart broke a little, not because I choose to dress my age, but because there remain to be some pieces that I absolutely love. Still. Always.

I'm not throwing away everything. Instead, I had put aside some pieces that just won't make it, so I could give them away. Everything else would stay with me. I could definitely find different ways to put things together so they'd be wearable today.

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There was one glaring realisation though...

I needed a new "main" swimsuit.

I spent a significant part of the afternoon going around the mall (and complaining that my body ached from the yoga class I attended this morning) looking at swimwear and just when I was ready to give up, I found the next one!

It might not seem like a big deal, but trust me on this one. Holy grail.

It wasn't exactly like the one I pictured in my head (I'm particular that way), but it fit like a dream and is very consistent with what I was looking for.

The price tag pinched a little though :( I didn't realise that grown up swimwear went in a different price range from the already seemingly overpriced popular surfer brands that I usually get.

I am quite happy with the purchase :) I think this would last me a very long time and would stand witness to countless wonderful holidays.

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I think my woman-instead-of-girl swimwear choice had somewhat surprised the young sales person attending to me. When I was paying she asked my how old I was and after I told her, she said Oh, I see... you look young for your age.

Amen.

KLP

I was so full from yesterday's lunch. I would have happily gone back home to finish my book until we passed by the cake display. While I did not have any space left in me, we did have space in our ref for dessert :)
To maximise the satisfaction, I had it for midnight snack to counter the Monday blues.

master packer

Ninety nine percent of my stuff are now packed and it is the our last night in our home for four years. It didn't really seem like four years. It is funny that although I love this place, I don't really feel any loneliness in changing addresses. Maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that I will still be with my family.

I remember answering a questions about where I would love to live with an annoyingly corny answer that was somewhere a long the lines of nowhere specific geographically, as long as it is a place of love and refuge. I'm not really the mushy kind, but I meant that. And I hope even when I grow up, I do not lose track of what is important :)

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As it is my first time to pack for anything other than a trip, I realise that with the right tools and the endless supply of plastic wrap, bubble wrap, packing tape and boxes, I am quite the packer!

What good I am in packing, makes up for my unpacking skills--or drive. I wonder how long it would take me to fix my new room.

lucky week

This week had been hectic with one of my major projects going live coupled with the one week prescription I was given making me moody--as much as it an acceptable justification for trivial actions, I hate it :(

I could say it is one of those interesting streaks.

There were however, more good things that came with it.

I was able to hang out more with a good friend, it had been some time since we really got together.

I received five cheques that were refunds for my medical bills overpayment.

I also picked up some cash on the floor. In a public place. With no one else in sight.

Finally, the zit on my forehead had finally cleared :)

Life is good.

turn around...

I can't.

I have a two day old stiff neck and I can hardly wait for the morning I wake up to a pain free neck.

My stiff neck is also accompanied with occasional headaches, light fever and a bump on the neck. They say sometimes, when you have the flu, you get these bumps--hence the doctor feels for it whenever you go for a check up. Did I mention that the bump hurts too? Well, only if you press on it. And as I am not really not bothered by it, I keep feeling for it.

I am going to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, I am staying in bed all day long--without a pillow, face up, in savasana position.

pillow talk

I was inspired to do some light sewing yesterday that upon waking up this morning, I immediately revisited my cloth vault--which quite simply, is a large plastic storage where I dunk all the cloth I haul and receive as gifts.

(That is another blog entry I should write--gift fabrics and what they had become, reserved for another day.)

I remember that a friend who had recently moved to Singapore bought navy bedding (thanks to my willingness to go ikea shopping--secret motive: check out cloth on discount), I decided to make a welcome gift.

Luckily, I found a navy and mandarin kimono cloth that featured some dragons and blooms--remains from an obi I sew a while back, that would match the sheets.

Below is a photo I got back--with thanks.I'm quite happy that the pillowcases I made went well with the navy and orange rambutan printed quilt cover. I don't think I could be any more pleased :)

Now that I think about it, I also used some of this fabric to embellish jeans.

old list

The first thing I did upon waking today was check if my favorite youtube contributor posted something. And there was.

I feel funny posting a photo because of certain reasons.

One of which is that this is a very poor version of the look from the tutorial. Please excuse the unwashed morning face. I just just too excited and wanted to try out the eyes, right there and then.I had my thoughts about blogging about what a friend blogged about a few days ago--a list of things you feel you are too old for. I commented "juicy couture" on her post for laughs.

This got me thinking about my list. I will type as I think of it, so it is likely that the list will be in a funny order.

I am too old...

1. to deem insurance as unnecessary
2. to smoke a pack and a half of cigarettes when I go out to drink
3. to get wasted every weekend
4. to get wasted every other weekend
5. for the grunge look (another reason why photo is funny)
6. not to make effort to eat more vegetables and less red meat
7. to bother about excuses
8. for unnatural coloured hair dyes, think PINK (not that I was ever tempted)
9. to scrimp on healthcare
10. not to know what and who are most important to me
11. to wear denim cut offs

I think next time, I would write a list of things I would never be too old for.

jeje

I was chatting with a friend and were trying to decipher a new language bore of jeje. Halfway through, she asks me a trivial question that lead to a whole new discussion.

A: Guess what the first Filipino word girls teach their foreign boyfriends?

T: Hmmmmm. Tough one. A curse most likely--or a dirty word. P.I.?

A: "tampo"

T: Isn't that negative? Why not "mahal"?

A: It might be too soon in the relationship, so you can't talk about love.

T: How about "gusto"?

A: "Lambing" maybe.

T: How do you explain that? "deliberately doing exceedingly sweet gestures to show appreciation"?

A: Hmmmm. That's tough.

T: But the exceeding part seems inaccurate. The point I'm trying to drive at is that it should be over the top, unnatural or out of the ordinary.

A: But in real life it is just another way to let the person know that you care.

T: I think I got it. MAKING OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO BE AFFECTIONATE.

A: That's it. Exactly.

take it, take it

I was pretty sure the only activities I would be engaged with this Sunday are (1) having lunch with my family and (2) going to mass. It was until I opened my shopping bag from yesterday and found out that it got switched with my friend's.

Obviously, I now have three things to do.

sunday sailing

engagement

Lately, it seems like much excitement around me is caused by one thing. Engagement. Not really getting engaged, but more along the lines of not getting engaged. Or engagement to someone--else.

Engagement. A defining moment where people start making plans to start making plans for marriage. Notice I didn't put wedding, but marriage. An entirely different thing.

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Someone said he hasn't proposed because he is yet to feel it. That while he is happy with his partner, he has not felt like proposing.

I don't know the mechanics of popping the question, I'd think that it is more than momentary inspiration or a jolt of emotions as it is as much a feeling of certainty, happiness and love as it is a decision.

I don't understand. What does he mean?

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Someone said they never had the talk about marriage. But now, a couple of weeks later, he is engaged to another.

I don't know the mechanics of popping the question, but does this mean an event-- momentary inspiration or a jolt of emotions had transpired?

I don't understand. What does this mean?

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Someone asked me why I am still not engaged, given my age.

I don't know the mechanics of popping the question, but are momentary inspirations or jolts of emotions supposed to happen at a specific age?

I don't understand. What does she mean?

prelude to a proper piece

It is almost half way through December and I can't help but run significant (personal) events that happened this year in my head.

This should be a proper entry, not something you tap while waiting for you watermelon shake to be refilled--or the cheese cake to go down.

And so this will be a short one--a prelude, about someone still somewhat significant.

I guess the thing that may be most apparent to people close to me is HIM, or his absence in my life.

I noticed too, that some started treating me different--not better or worse, just different.

The same go for invitations.

There were questions--95% of them unanswered, about what kind of relationship I have with HIM, now that things are different between us.

I think it is only fair that they ask him too. For me though, we are good. And it is not surprising really. Really.

There could have been awkwardness, maybe even resentment, but respect conquers all. In my version of our book, that is the title of the last chapter.

My drink is here. More retrospective thoughts soon.

sunday spooning

My Sunday afternoon was spend spooning :)

I had a spoon of condensed milk, two spoons of Nutella and well, a spoon of worms. I would have taken another couple of spoons of Banana Nut Crunch--only, I was too lazy to do more washing.It's too bad I have already put away all the other spoons when I decided to bring out my camera.

love is complicated

I had a very long trip home yesterday. And the cab driver utilised the time quite well by telling me his story.

He began by saying "Love is complicated, correct (or) not?"

My reply in my head was "Please don't tell me your story. I just want to go home", but instead I said "Yeah.", hoping it would end there.

Guess what? It didn't.

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He was married a long time ago, that time he was sure their love would last forever. They would say I will love you forever and mean it. They had two kids and they were happy.

But one day, his wife started to take him for granted. That was the beginning of the end.

They later separated, and this was the arrangement for three years. He begged the wife to reconsider, but she said she was sure and that the decision was already made.

They divorced.

Then as if God intended it to happen, he bumped into an old love. It was a clear sign from the heavens that they were meant to be together--according to uncle. They got together and were very happy.

It wasn't as if any how I find someone and made girlfriend, ya? he adds.

All is well in paradise until the wife decided that she wants to get back together with him. He said that the was through, because the love has died between them (as Neneng would say patay na ang flame), and he had already moved on.

The wife asked the kids to talk to their father. To tell him that they should be a family again and rebuild from where they got off.

He loves his girlfriend, but he has a hard time letting the kids down. He feels likes he owes them.

He sighs.

After heavy breaths, he says Love is complicated. You have no love, it is lonely. You have too much love, headache. So how a?

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I smile to myself, as I don't see anything complicated here.