national title

Today was museum day. It was the last chance I had to see The Starry Night--it was the perfect excuse to skip yoga class today.

I'm going tomorrow. I promise.

I've always wanted to take a few photos of the giant capsicum on the other side of the museum. While I often chance by it whenever we go walking, I somehow never have my camera with me.

Today was not only museum day but tourist picture taking day too!

When I saw the placement of the signage, I could not resist the opportunity. I knew I had to pose as the national muse ;)

was it good?

My best friend asks me after I posted the same photo on her wall. So, was it? I ask myself.

I think the better question would be what was I expecting?

I think I am making this more complicated that it actually is, and I think too that I should start at the beginning.

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There are two previous occasions where we had come across this cupcake.

The first time, we just finished a VERY hearty meal and there was no way we could take another bite. But looking at them made my mouth water, and I had convinced myself that I was hungry. Luckily, someone wonderful pointed out that it wouldn't be a good idea to get a cupcake. In fact, it was a horrible idea.

The second time was slightly more complicated. We had a lighter meal compared to the first incident--that was no means light, just so I am absolutely clear. We later had drinks--yes, drinks in the cafe and at some point found that there was actually room for a cupcake. But just when we were about to order, a dozen chicken wings from another establishment miraculously found its way to our table.

Sorry girls.

Then, tonight.

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I am quite sorry that my best friend was not with me. But let me tell you about the cupcake. And my thoughts.

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I always thought that the cupcake appealed to me, but I also always knew that it wouldn't be great.

Not only not great, in fact, I knew it was going to be so so.

Why?

1. High expectations - I've imagined what it should taste like.
2. Anticipation - Two. Failed. Attempts.
3. Experience - I've had one cupcake from this place before and it was quite dry.

So there I was, knowing what I knew, feeling that feeling in my gut yet I just went with it.

And after everything. I think to myself, I knew what was gonna happen, I knew it was not worth all the drama. For a fact. What did I expect?

Nothing that didn't happen.

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I can't help but feel that it was all wasted time.

But, oh well.

There really wasn't anything else to do but move on--to what I know would truly make me happy :)

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Past tense?

keys me

What is that? It is a bent bronze key fastened with a leather strap so as to be worn around the wrist.

Why are you wearing it? Because it came in today.

Came today. As in a gift? No. Not really. I bought it online in December.

In real life, do you wear accessories as such? No. I like the idea, but the reality is that I am more fond of other types of accessories / jewelry. Consider this, a passing fancy.

Where you ever in a similar situation? As in buying something you know you won't use in reality? Twice before. A bronze bangle and oxidised silver bracelet with faux pearls. Never wore either one.

How does this bracelet fare? I would probably wear it, just to wear it. Maybe this Friday. We do casual Fridays at work.

Is there a lesson here somewhere? Are rhetorical questions really necessary?

heart of cloth

I know I owe a few people the 2011 favorite things entry but somehow I can't find the time to compile and post. Maybe I'd do a series with each entry featuring one favorite thing. How convenient for me :)

With that in mind, let's get into the things then.

I love the fabric stash that my Mom brought with her when she came to visit. This (photographed) is not the entire lot, actually. This perhaps is a third of the haul.

I think this is number one for several reasons.

First, it reminds me of how thoughtful my Mom is, going through lengths to visit the fabric store regularly checking and re-checking if they have jersey fabrics in various widths and colours.

It also gives me an opportunity to sew more. You won't believe how truly excited I was with the potential of each fabric! I made three skirts from the stash so far. I am looking forward to sew everything by the end of 2012. I truly hope I can come up with clothes that I would wear for a long time with such lovely raw materials.

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So at number one, fabrics from my Mom :)

diminished

I recently bought my niece a Barbie. I know she liked it. But when I saw how many Barbies she had (not to mention Barbie accessories, clothes and cars--wait, she has a pool and yacht too!), I knew she didn't really love love it.

I'm sure she was happy to get a Barbie, but really, it was just another Barbie.

It isn't her fault that she has more Barbies and Barbie stuff than required by a village day care.

However, I know that I was never going to give her toys from now on. Ever.

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I posted a photo featuring the shoes from one of the containers specifically for Barbie shoes that she had.

My bestfriend was quick to comment "Lots of shoes. Just like Ninang".

Ninang being me. Ninang means godmother in Tagalog.

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On one occasion, I was having lunch with my bestfriend and I told her that I felt lonely that a new dress really doesn't do much for me anymore.

I remember a time in my life when having a new something felt really special. And I miss that.

There is still some spark, but what is that opposed to a flame--which was what it used to feel comparatively?

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I am no way saying that the fire in one's life comes from acquisitions--because it is never true. At least for me.

I am saying instead that perhaps the constant experience had numbed me.

The returns had diminished.

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With this, I am making a pledge.

I pledge not to buy clothes from today till the end of June.

Don't laugh. I'm serious.

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Not Acceptable
1. Jeans - I have too many and I hardly wear jeans!
2. General clothing for work and the weekend.
3. Jacket - as in non winter jackets. Light jackets. I never wear them.

Acceptable
1. Clothes that I'd make
2. Clothes that I will have made that I had already placed a job order or have cloth for
3. Replacements - as in if any underwear gets worn out
4. Specialty Items - An example is if I take up serious swimming again as obviously my bikinis and fashionable swimwear will not hold
5. Shortage - If I am taking a long trip to somewhere cold and I don't have enough thermals
6. Inner Wear - as in chemise, slip, etc.

1,234

1,235.

This is my 1,235th entry. I ought to make it count. Pun horrible. Intended. Horrible.

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It is half past two and I can't sleep. My heart is fluttering, not from that thing this afternoon, but due to the cafe latte that happened too late.

I knew I should have gotten that butter cream cupcake instead!

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It is almost Chinese New Year and having been where it is much celebrated the last seven years, I can't help but feel like following some of their traditions.

Spring Cleaning. I love that during this time one is reminded to get rid of the accumulated things around the house and do a general cleaning! I probably won't scrub the last dust particle in hard to clean places, but I would definitely look into my wardrobe and shoe rack!

Everything new. Well, I don't have new pjs to wear, but I do have some clothes that I haven't worn. Consider a certain dress worn. Yellow it is :)

Pineapple. Not really into the tarts, but I love pineapples. The fiber is just a plus. Eat, I shall.

Bakwa. I love this stuff. New year or not, I'm buying.

Haircuts. I love getting my hair cut, especially because I had relocated my stylist. I haven't had one for a long time though because I spent too much on my perm that I want to make the most out of it. I love that I was so if-ish about getting my hair curled, hating it at the beginning and ABSOLUTELY loving it now! Another confirmation that things always work out? :D

I don't think I'd cut in time for Chinese New Year, but I do plan to change my hair around midyear.

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I haven't really read much about the Year of the Dragon--despite my fascination with the creature.

Regardless what is supposedly in store, I'm really looking forward to the wonderful things actually in store for 2012.

Happy New Year!

buy buy love

This year, I'd like to be able to master a few things.

The titles may be pushing it, but since this is a seemingly-new-year-themed-entry it makes perfect sense :)

1. Choose your battles

I'd like to be able to say by the end of this year "I only acquire if I can afford it, it is of good quality, something I will utilise and would stand the test of time".

Well, there really wasn't anything that I acquired which I could not afford. I think emphasis must be made on the utilisation part.

Obviously, my tabo doesn't have to be branded. Or of superior quality. A tabo is a tabo. And well, I don't even have a tabo.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff

If I go to a jewelry store, resisting to buy is a breeze, because things cost a lot. But if I go to a clothing store, it is very easy for me to buy something, because the cost is (relatively) low.

Another shirt. Another dress.

What I failed to realise--actually, more on what I refused to acknowledge was that perhaps I was spending a lot on these small things that I could easily have had enough to get something that would give me more satisfaction had I said "No" those times.

Don't get me started on the law of diminishing returns.

3. Know when you are "in love" as opposed to being "in love with love"

Once upon a time, I saw a pink sweater that I liked but did not buy is since I felt I didn'tt want to spend that much. For a couple of weeks I constantly thought about it.

One day, I decided to get it, only to realise that it was gone.

It has been around 12 years since but I still think about it.

In reality, if I got it then it would probably sit in my closet right now. Waiting for a chance to be worn.

It seems like an opportunity loss to me because I perceive it as the one (sweater) that got away.

tools for fools

I know, I had written about this too many times. But today, I will write about it again.

I think I spend to much.

I am not close to bankruptcy or anything (thank God), but I somewhat feel that I could save... more.

I had recently revised my personal finances dashboard (V4 at the moment) adding some KPIs and WOW, the result was breath-taking. As in I couldn't breathe when I saw the figures.

I think I would be effective doing BI/Analytics! <-- This reminds me of a conversation I once had with a headhunter wherein he says "I need someone who can make something out of nothing", while I got what he was saying (and that "nothing" was not nothing but "meaningless"), my sarcastic brain screamed "MAGICIAN?!?!".

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Back to the topic.

The most significant enhancement on V3 was that it included accumulators. Each month, you can see the accumulated gap between your budget and actuals. More important, it showed you the year to date savings.

That was a game changer. Maybe not as much as I would have liked as I was wanting a miracle, but it did help.

In the past, last month was last month. Past is past. Every month, I had an opportunity to redeem myself. While I am sure that everyday is a chance to redeem oneself, the tracking did not give me a full picture of my performance. For example, if I had a GIANT purchase in January, come February when I moved tabs, the expense is out of my sight. I was someone freed from the... ummm, guilt. Maybe. Damage perhaps.

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In the past I had entries and budget (variable items) for the following:

Fixed Cost
- Rent
- Help Fees

Variable Cost
- Daily Meals
- Groceries
- Socials
- Train/Bus Card
- Cab
- Shopping

Then I have this "Others" section where I key in Insurance, Social Services, Income Tax, More Shopping (If I have anything in installment), Travel, etc. Basically, anything extra that I have to pay for that month.

The trouble with the general Others was that it seemed like a black hole. I didn't know how much were necessities (eg: Insurance, Taxes), versus well, more shopping (gasp). Worse was that there was no budget assigned to these entries.

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In V4, I had added a Categories Column for the "Other Expenses".

I had also put in accumulators.

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I honestly don't know how I will fare this year.

I do hope that my enhanced tool will help me manage my money better.

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I know, it is like buying an exercise machine hoping to lose weight.

No one needs to remind me!

genes jeans

I remember that as early as high school, I told my Mom that I got her body type and that it made buying jeans quite tough.

As you see, my Dad is tall and slim and taking after his physique would had been quite, a blessing.

My mom is very good natured and would laugh things off. She is quite a good sport.

When the will.i.am song came around, I literally thought about my Mom. I got it from my momma (plus my reckless abandon with salt and sugar)!

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A couple of days back, I was talking to my mom about make up. She said putting concealer actually highlights her eyebags, so she stops at foundation.

I took a good look at my Mom and realised that she looks really, really, really young. No one would be able to guess her age by looking at her.

(Not only does she look young, she is also full of energy!)

Obviously, she had eyebags as with people her age but there is NO DARKNESS under her eyes, at all! One can say that it is miraculous. Seriously.

She has pretty good skin too.

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My sister is a replica of my Mom.

I think I actually look older than her.

I think I look like them too, but like my brother, I am a mix of my parents.

(Let as not get started on how much I look like me brother... there are too many stories to write on that.)

I got my Mom's nose though.

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I'll send a message to my Mom later today to thank her for her genes. I'm sure she never took my jokes to heart, but it would be nice to be thanked for something totally unexpectedly.

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Jeans? My sister in law took care of that ;)

(h)old

I know I am getting old. And not because of my cholesterol or blood pressure—I’m quite lucky that way (for now).

I know because when the person sitting behind me in the plane started pushing my seat with what I could only assume to be his knees, I breathed deeply, relaxed more and thought this is more taxing to him that it is to me, there is no way he could keep it up till touchdown. True enough, he gave up after less than five minutes—five minutes that probably felt like forever to him.

I know because I have sleepless nights thinking about retirement—even when I’m not even middle age. Maybe this is not old age but paranoia, but this concern did not keep me up during my teens—or twenties.

I know because I’d rather stay home and hang out with my sister than go to the mall and people watch. I still like doing that, but I’d rather get to know the person my sister is becoming—a patient mother, devoted wife and a very mature woman while remaining a thoughtful daughter and kind and generous sister.

I know because I catch myself saying that’s too sweet not only to dessert, but also drinks.

I know because when going out of town, I had become interested in bringing back local produce.

I know because the term open house sounds fun to me.

I know because more and more, I want to spend time with my loved ones because I now truly recognise that nothing lasts forever.

targaryen?

From the first time I read George RR Martin, I've been fascinated by dragons. Once, even a dragon from a place much associated will the Iliad.

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I'm not sure if the Targaryen's sigil is to blame, but for roughly a decade now, I have had this thing for things--okay, jewelry than come in a 'form' or group of three.

Maybe I am forcing the connection. But as I am re-reading the books now, it makes perfect sense to blame the book for a recent um, undertaking.

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Now that I think about it, my thing for threes sort of started way back elementary days.

Confirmed. Forced connection.

When my sister wanted white gold charm bracelets, I wanted tri-colored ones.

When my sister wanted diamond hoop earrings, I wanted the tri-band hoops with matching intertwined ring.

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When the seven-days bangle became popular, I didn't really care for it.

I thought my best friend's three bangles were way cooler :)

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Fast forward to my late teens.

My sister wanted 10mm studs in white gold.

I wanted it in white, rose and yellow.

This actually makes me greedy (or a hoarder), rather than establish the three thing.

But I am writing about wanting and not actually having.

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The past couple of years, I find myself ogling at three strand necklaces.

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The interesting thing about three strand necklaces is that while these look great, like dragons, it entails hard work, patience and determination to keep and take care of them.

I have two three strand necklaces--both had given me much headache to have made and maintain. Not to mention that these are stubborn and would not stay put when worn around your neck. Not unlike dragons.

I would often complain to my mom and she would say, "why don't you sell them?", then I'd say "but they are mine". Again, reminiscent of Daenerys' stint with Drogon.

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Sometimes we give too much so we could have something we are slightly nuts about.

Just this morning, I told my Mom, "I seriously spent more than what this (one of the necklaces) is worth with all the hassle I had to go through". Then I quickly added, "I'm keeping".

every woman in the world (to me)

A sea of MAYBEs.I was talking to the person I'm with about the proverbial "one".

Not sure if I had written in the past that for me, "the one" is an expression only. A term to identify the best fit amongst the long list of candidates qualified to be with you. There isn't just one person you can be happy with. Most. That is the key word.

Anyways, that is another topic.

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What I was talking with the person I'm with was, what does "the one" mean to other people?

For me, the one is the person you love (or want) the most. Like the movies. Like references to "the one that got away".

Not whom you choose. It has nothing to do with choices. The heart wants what the heart wants.

I was somewhat surprised to realise that some people define it differently.

To them, "the one" is the person who chooses ( loves / want ) them the most.

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In a perfect world obviously, there is no point writing this entry because the one you choose is the person you love/want the most. And you, for him. Or her.

inventory

With shoes like these, it is easy to understand why one would perpetually stand in tip toes ;)