Per & Che

As I was browsing through my mail, I found something I wrote three years ago for my friend's wedding. I was supposed to read it during the reception, but somehow, it did not happen. What was particularly interesting about their marriage was that they had just met! Che was telling me that when she was filling up forms for Per, she would sometimes ask him details such as his middle name. Anyways, I thought I'd post it. This is how I saw marriage as a 23-year-old.

I would want to claim that I am actually the reason, why Percival and Che got married but I think it was Percival who did all the "wooing".

And I wish I know more about how and why they fell in love. About their getting-to-know-you conversations, the day of their first kiss, how she finally said YES and if there were hyperactive butterflies in their stomachs the first time they held hands.

Sadly, I don't. I hate to disappoint you for not coming up with the love story that ended up in marriage.

I could however, share with you the sentiments of one single girl who would probably end up NOT marrying.

I have never believed in love at first sight... because I am a realist. But Percival has gotten me to reconsider.

I think people should be engaged for at least one year before exchanging I do's. But every time I see how happy Che is, get all confused with issues relating to time.

The twenty-somethings would always try to do what the "supposed" right thing. The standard. The norm. The route that would be safest. The logical choice. The choice with the most calculated risk involved.

But in the back of their heads they are secretly wanting or looking for a love to which they surrender.

I share this same sentiment with the rest of my age-group. As much as I hate to admit it, "what I would not give to marry the one I am crazy in love with".

I would never forget what was said in one movie. I quote.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

Che and Per, I'm awfully happy that I was part of your wonderful, crazy, surreal love story.

Ex-Girlfriend

I am a three-time ex-girlfriend.

Once an Ex-girlfriend/the-one-who-got-away (according to his friends).

Once an Ex-girlfriend/greatest-love (according to our friends).

And once an Ex-girlfriend/heartless-b*tch (pretty much implied).

Written in no particular order. I refuse to divulge the timeline of each happenstance.

While I did learn a lot from each heartbreak, I have no intentions of re-living the moments in my head any time soon--or ever, for that matter. What I do try never to forget, are the lessons.

I had been hanging out with someone who has, a few weeks ago, become a first-time ex-girlfriend and while I would want to let her into some things I wish someone told me then, I don't think it is my place to do so. So I am going to write all about it and hope she reads it. As sly as a fox.

1. You can't turn friends the minute you break up.
2. It is really over.
3. When he says It's not you, it's me, it is YOU.
4. When you says It's not you, it's me, it is HIM.
5. Your friends understand. You don't understand.
6. You will regret THAT drunken phone call (be like Jea, lose your phone in Bora).
7. Shopping will help.
8. Maturity would gain you respect.
9. Your relationship with his friends and family SHOULD change.
10. When the word gets out, you would be bombarded with dates.

Wallow in Grief

Today was definitely not one of my finest days.

I drank some peach tea last night and as a result, I had trouble sleeping. I was finally able to fall asleep at 7:30 AM only to be woken up by my alarm an hour after.

I was groggy all day.

I received two calls mid-afternoon--four minutes apart. The two calls I had been dreading since last week.

The first confirmed my thought, that after all the time and energy that I spent, it boils down to nothing. There were, after all, a hell lot of better things to do.

The other made me feel like I was being guided into a trap, for a second could not breathe. I felt like I was being sucked in by a situation and that it could not be undone.

When I got home, I received a sms from Migs. His car got hit.

After supper I was still not feeling my usual self. Wallowing in grief, I ate half a jar of Choco Flakes, then overdozed in Vitamin C, 1000 mg with 500ml of grapefruit juice, no sugar, no preservative--tasted really bad.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.

Sister Act

It is funny how as kids, my sister and I fought a lot. Mostly about trivial things, mostly because of me. I was the initiator, she was the victim, of course at that time I thought she was just being petty. Looking back, I did give her a hard time.

When I started working, our driver retired to be a vegetable trader. To save gas, my parents decided that my sister and I should share rides going to work. My sister would wake me up everyday, that is no easy task! She literally had to throw tantrums everyday to get me to start fixing up. Everyday, I get up only when she is a few seconds short from tears. When I get in the car, I put on my sunglasses and sleep some more. She would wake me up when the car is along Dela Costa, particularly at Tower I driveway. Oh, and she also made me a sandwich and would throw in a drink, a meal which I'd eat when I get to my desk.

When I switched jobs and found myself in an erratic schedule, she would carpool most days so that I could bring the car home at night. It was pretty much that way most of the time, she gave way to me.
On times when I get home real tired that I fall asleep with my shoes on, I would wake up to find myself in a night shirt. She, apparently changed my clothes so that I would have a more comfortable slumber.
Just when we were starting to get along, I realized, she was of age, and was getting married. I was both happy and sad when I found out. I was happy because I knew her husband all my life and I know that he is a good person and I'm glad my sister has found that one person she was going to spend the rest of her life with. I was sad because I'm not sure I was able to show her how much I appreciate all the things she has done for me. I was too caught up with my life that I failed to see her.

I was Maid of Honor in her wedding, and again, I failed to deliver. As hectic as my job was, I was not able to help much on the arrangements. My feeble attempt to make it up to her was to direct and produce the material for her wedding video. She thanked me profusely, but I think that is a small thing compared to the role she has played in my life.

Realizing she was pregnant, she told me that baby girl or baby boy, I would be the godmother of her baby. I was very happy. I thought to myself. "At last I could be that person to her baby, that person that she was to me".

I found myself in a plane moving to Singapore three days before she gave birth. My bestfriend had to stand there as my proxy during A's christening.

I try. I do. And I feel real bad that it seems as though I am never there for her. I hope my sister realizes how much I love her and that when I was being sentimental and told her that she was the wind beneath my wings, I meant it. I am not a big fan of drama. I know it is damn cheesy. It is very uncharacteristic of me. But that is what she is to me.

Look Down then Point-and-Shoot

It is a Friday night and I am home, watching National Geographic. It was all about Tsunami.

Someone sent me an sms, I turn to the night table and I saw my not-yet-broken-in camera and decided to experiment some.

I went to the living room, opened the a corner window. I poked my head, hand and camera out of the window and I took three pictures using three different pre-defined settings (1) Night Mode (shown in photo), (2) Fireworks and (3) Natural Light.

I know this isn't a breathtaking shot, I did not even do some framing, use the rule-of-thirds (or something that sounds like that), or thought about the shot.

I like the photo though. I like how the biggest light source show some rose tint and how overlapping circles of light seem to surround the tree lamp, which is now invisible . I also like that rays of the light "spill out" of the glow.

I think though, that I should read more about photography, so then I could actually use photographer jargon and write like a pro. Hah!

Bimmer

I tried this drink, BMW for the first time tonight. It is one part Bailey's, one part Malibu, and one part Whiskey (Jack Daniel's).

It was great!

window view

I especially like how the leaves seem to be moving and how the lights form diagonal lines.

Impulse Purchase

I am never a person to purchase a gadget on impulse, for example, it took me six months to decide whether or not I actually wanted an iPod. It also took me three months to decide whether I needed an external hard drive--three days whether I should get 60GB or 80GB.

Clothes, I buy on impulse... but techie toys, never... until last week. I went to the IT show and got myself a new point-and-shoot.

This really surprised me, especially because I am very happy with my current camera. It takes wonderful pictures, a single battery charge lasts nearly a week, it is compact. It is great. Nightshots are magical, of course only when I use a tripod, my hands are quite shaky. The only hassle for me is that there is a waiting time when taking pictures. You have to wait around 3 seconds before you could take the next picture. As I don't usually take snapshots of people in action, this was perfectly acceptable.

I really did not know what got to me.

When I got home, I played with my new purchase and I realize that the indoor shots, both the natural light and the ones wherein I used a flash were grainy. I felt so stupid! I experimented some more, then decided I should try out the nightshots as its bragging rights are supposed to be those shots with very poor lighting. I dimmed my bedroom lights, including the lamps, opened my window and started shooting.

After taking this picture from my bedroom window, across eight-lanes-at-least, four-sidewalks and two-flyovers, I thought "Not bad, not bad at all".

Ten Year Wait

I always wanted to see the movie Sliding Doors. I remember singing the movie OST by Aqua, Turn Back Time. Now, that I started riding trains on a more regular basis, I find myself slightly amused whenever I am able to get in just in time before the door closes. It is as if my life is being altered completely by that single incident.

Tonight, thanks to Jops, I am finally able to see it. I waited ten year to see this movie.

I am every bit smitten by blonde Gwyneth's hair as I was as a teenager.

I was not expecting much of the plot, the trailer basically said it all. The gwyneth-who-catches-the-train meets and interesting stranger, catches her cheating live-in partner in bed with his ex, gets a wonderful haircut, moves on and eventually becomes happy. The gwyneth-who-doesn't-catch-the-train continues living with cheating live-in partner, has mousy brown hair till the end of the movie and is the sad story. (READ: It really pays to get in that train!)

However, I can't help but feel disappointed. There was no chemistry between gwyneth and the interesting stranger nor gwyneth and the live-in partner. It reminds me of Edward Norton and Jessica Biel in The Illusionist. No magic. No sparks. Nothing.

ACA Video Rental: Summer of '42

Somewhere during the early nineties, my family got its first Laser Disk Player. After hooking up the player to the TV, we immediately got into our silver Toyota LiteAce and headed to Alabang-Zapote Road to sign up for a membership in ACA Home Video where you could rent a Laser Disk for one full week for only Php 25, and if you rent 5, you only pay Php 100. What a deal! Each family member also got to have a membership card! Hah!

I remember renting Dazzed and Confused, Somewhere In Time and Pretty in Pink the very day we got our membership. Later on I would rent other movies that seem interesting.

We also got a free VHS copy of Demolition Man.

Thinking about all these, I am reminded of this unforgettable movie--for me at least, as my movie-enthusiast-boyfriend do not seem to remember it, Summer of '42. It was an old movie then, it is an ancient movie now. I have no recollection of the cast but the story is still vivid in my mind. I even remember the feeling I had watching it. It is very nonstalgic. Thinking about it now seems to bring back old feelings. I can imagine sitting on the couch in our living room, teary-eyed with literally, cold feet.

It is very surprising, I found out only today that the movie was infact based on a screenplay. And the screenplay is based in real life.

Suddenly, if it is quite possible, the movie is more surreal to me now that it ever was.

(From http://imdb.com/title/tt0067803/maindetails)

Nothing from that first day I saw her, and no one that has happened to me since, has ever been as frightening and as confusing. For no person I've ever known has ever done more to make me feel more sure, more insecure, more important, and less significant.

PLOT: During summer vacation on Nantucket Island in 1942, a youth, Hermie (Herman Raucher) eagerly awaiting his first sexual encounter finds himself developing a contradictorily innocent love for a young woman awaiting news on her soldier husband's fate in WWII.

TRIVIA: Though author Herman Raucher admits to moving the order of certain events around and interchanging some dialogue, the movie is (according to those involved) an accurate depiction of events in Raucher's life in the summer of 1942 on Nantucket Island; he didn't even change anyone's name. He began writing the screenplay as a tribute to his friend Oscy, who'd been killed in the Korean War, but midway through writing it Raucher realized that he wanted to make it a story about Dorothy, who he had in fact neither seen nor heard from since their last night together as depicted in the movie. Raucher admits that in all the time he knew her, he never bothered to ask her what her last name was.

The Bedroom Secrets of Master Chefs

I had been wanting to read Irvine Welsh's books since the late nineties, however for some reason I have never gotten around to getting them from the bookstore or even an e-book online.

One could just imagine my surprise when I saw one his books on sale, at $5 it was definitely a steal! I immediately grabbed the only visible copy. (I did looked around for more copies because I was hoping to get a couple to give to my friends. No such luck though.)

Initially, I had a bit of a trouble as the characters' lines are written the way they are pronounced--in scottish accent for example "It's f*ckin hotchin doon thaire these days". After a couple of pages, it growns on you, and it starts to be interesting, how the voices in your head sound foreign.

The book did not divulge any secret, what more, master chef's bedroom secrets. It did not talk about master chefs either, instead it was about two very disturbed Environment Health Officers who felt mutual hate for each other.

Funny book. Sometimes a bit too much. With unexpected events. Witty.

I hope I get to read the rest of his work.

The Picture Below the Heading

I had a few comments about having a picture in my blog site--and a very formal picture at that. I didn't really think about it when I was setting the site up, but now that I have had time to over analyze such a trivial action, I realize the answer is simple.

As I have always wanted to be a writer, and SingingSappySongs site is my feeble attempt to publish my work, I saw it fitting to have some sort of thumbnail to help the audience put a face on the crazy writer.

Trainspotting (1996)

Renton and Diane

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Excuse me, excuse me. I don't mean to harass you, but I was very impressed with the capable and stylish manner in which you dealt with that situation. And I was thinking to myself, now this girl's special.

Diane: Thanks.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What's your name?

Diane: Diane.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: And where are you going, Diane?

Diane: I'm going home.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, where's that?

Diane: It's where I live.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Great.

Diane: What?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, I'll come back with you if you like, but like, I'm not promising anything, you know.

Diane: Do you find that this approach usually works? Or let me guess, you've never tried it before. In fact, you don't normally approach girls - am I right? The truth is that you're a quiet sensitive type but, if I'm prepared to take a chance, I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal. Taxi! A little bit crazy, a little bit bad. But hey - don't us girls just love that?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Eh?

Diane: Well, what's wrong boy - cat got your tongue?

(From http://imdb.com/title/tt0117951/quotes) - Trainspotting