Every Filipino would know the term nagmumurang kamatis. This is a person of age who intentionally acts or dresses up like someone in their youth. It could but not necessarily be out of midlife crisis, whim or making for loss time.
Clear enough.
But what of nagmumura? The root word is mura which stands for a lot of things.
1. Mura could mean a curse, noun. Or cursing, verb when you put mag-, -in-, -hin at the beginning, middle or end, respectively.
2. Mura could stand for cheap.
So I thought to myself. It can't mean cursing tomatoes. Maybe it is cheap tomatoes. I mean, the overripe ones are sold at a discount to encourage sale because these rot and go to waste.
I was happy with conclusion.
Then I found out that MURA is used to refer specifically for tomatoes, to describe the state when they are close to rotting.
Close enough.
You learn something new everyday.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
for moonwalking
Okay, so I bought sneakers.
I know I don't need sneakers as not only do I already have a few, but also I never seem to wear them.
The thing is, THE thing is that I like simple things. Basic anything. As an example, plain white shirts. First love.
I however love LOVE love basic things tweaked ingeniously.
Like a shirt with over sized cuffs. Like a black sweater with acid yellow stitching. Like black pumps with red soles.
Like say...a classic pair of basic sneakers with the laces situated off center.
Hello.
I know I don't need sneakers as not only do I already have a few, but also I never seem to wear them.
The thing is, THE thing is that I like simple things. Basic anything. As an example, plain white shirts. First love. I however love LOVE love basic things tweaked ingeniously.
Like a shirt with over sized cuffs. Like a black sweater with acid yellow stitching. Like black pumps with red soles.
Like say...a classic pair of basic sneakers with the laces situated off center.
Hello.
still nothing
Why is it that I can't seem to be able to write about the last year thoroughly? Maybe because I somewhat feel that this year's happenings are broken down into more manageable chunks. Not unlike User Stories.
I remember having a draft in my head last night. Now, everything seems lost.
I also want to write an "advise to myself" entry. Maybe, I'll be inspired to write that after this entry. Or after lunch.
I remember having a draft in my head last night. Now, everything seems lost.
I also want to write an "advise to myself" entry. Maybe, I'll be inspired to write that after this entry. Or after lunch.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
acrophobia
There was one thing I was always scared of--frogs. Be it photos, sounds--even thoughts of. Maybe of one exception, the muppet paired with Miss Piggy.
Height however, never made me break a sweat. Drop Zone? Any day!
Something however, happened a few months back. I got a delivery. And inside the box was a pair of shoes.
I decided immediately that I would wear it to dinner the same night. I was doing well until I found myself in need of going down a flight of stairs.
I got terrified. Seriously. I had to step back and take a deep breath. Shaking knees. Cold sweat.
At the end, a friend had to hold my hand the whole time going down. Not unlike escorting a very old--or very young person.
Needless to say, I haven't worn the shoes since.
Until...tonight. It is Christmas. Why not?
Height however, never made me break a sweat. Drop Zone? Any day!
Something however, happened a few months back. I got a delivery. And inside the box was a pair of shoes.
I decided immediately that I would wear it to dinner the same night. I was doing well until I found myself in need of going down a flight of stairs.
I got terrified. Seriously. I had to step back and take a deep breath. Shaking knees. Cold sweat.
At the end, a friend had to hold my hand the whole time going down. Not unlike escorting a very old--or very young person.
Needless to say, I haven't worn the shoes since.
Until...tonight. It is Christmas. Why not?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
angel time
I was very excited to open this present, primarily because it felt like a hardbound book. Imagine my utter joy, when I opened it to find an Anne Rice book that I had never read before. I'm blessed.
what i really wanted
I saw something that I liked yesterday. I was a hard bound journal that said 365. Each page would have a number.
I bet you couldn't guess what the numbers correspond to :-p LOL.
What I really wanted to do though, was get a red marker and scribble on the cover.
Luckily, I was able to control myself.
I bet you couldn't guess what the numbers correspond to :-p LOL.
What I really wanted to do though, was get a red marker and scribble on the cover.
Luckily, I was able to control myself.
wrong
There is such a thing (and a book) as Honour Among Thieves. And on a practical sense, it is one's ethical responsibility to your like.
If a certain someone's acts continue to defy the protocol, would it mean you are wrong? And the other party is not your like?
If a certain someone's acts continue to defy the protocol, would it mean you are wrong? And the other party is not your like?
Monday, December 21, 2009
the flesh is weak
I have a feeling that this year, I wouldn't have that single entry that sums up the year that was. Instead, I'd have multiple entries standing as snippets of twelve months lived.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flesh is weak.
Don't take it literally, I don't cut. Or subject myself to physical pain to feel.
I also was not injured.
No. Of course it is not about getting physical!
It is, giving into a whim. For various reasons like it helped pass the time, you felt like it or that you were bored.
This year, I gave into a whim. I could have hurt some people. Or someone.
And while all is well that ends well, that thing would always be that thing.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flesh is weak.
Don't take it literally, I don't cut. Or subject myself to physical pain to feel.
I also was not injured.
No. Of course it is not about getting physical!
It is, giving into a whim. For various reasons like it helped pass the time, you felt like it or that you were bored.
This year, I gave into a whim. I could have hurt some people. Or someone.
And while all is well that ends well, that thing would always be that thing.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
the cure
It is interesting how people do funny things when they are restless. Or lonely. Or feeling alone.
What never fails to amaze me is the determination and effort involved when seeking attention. Or sympathy. Sometimes, there is even a taste of desperation that goes with it. It is quite obvious of course, to everyone but the person--I think.
As a concerned party, I try to pacify the hunger. But it is never enough. As you see, no one person can satisfy the need. In fact, nothing and no one would be able to accomplish the impossible feat but the actual person.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do I suggest?
For starters, I would suggest to myself that I stop trying to solve the issue. Because I can't. I am but part of the audience.
To the person, I would suggest the following:
Give. Give to the needy. Volunteer. Talk to others who need someone to listen to them. To receive what you seek, you should give it away. I didn't write that. But it makes a lot of sense.
Clean. To clear your mind, start by cleaning your surroundings. Discard old clothes. Take out shoes you no longer wear. Throw away dated bills, receipts and other files. Rid your place of clutter.
Organise. To bring your self to the intended place, organise your life. Start by organising your things.
Fix. Mend shirts with loose buttons, replace ruined soles and tape ripped pages. There is happiness in piecing together what has fallen apart. Literally. And figuratively.
Create. Bake a cake, cook a meal, paint / sketch something beautiful, take a photo, write a poem or sew a dress. It could be anything that allows you to imagine and express yourself.
Smile. It is the fastest way to make things just a little bit more bearable.
What never fails to amaze me is the determination and effort involved when seeking attention. Or sympathy. Sometimes, there is even a taste of desperation that goes with it. It is quite obvious of course, to everyone but the person--I think.
As a concerned party, I try to pacify the hunger. But it is never enough. As you see, no one person can satisfy the need. In fact, nothing and no one would be able to accomplish the impossible feat but the actual person.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do I suggest?
For starters, I would suggest to myself that I stop trying to solve the issue. Because I can't. I am but part of the audience.
To the person, I would suggest the following:
Give. Give to the needy. Volunteer. Talk to others who need someone to listen to them. To receive what you seek, you should give it away. I didn't write that. But it makes a lot of sense.
Clean. To clear your mind, start by cleaning your surroundings. Discard old clothes. Take out shoes you no longer wear. Throw away dated bills, receipts and other files. Rid your place of clutter.
Organise. To bring your self to the intended place, organise your life. Start by organising your things.
Fix. Mend shirts with loose buttons, replace ruined soles and tape ripped pages. There is happiness in piecing together what has fallen apart. Literally. And figuratively.
Create. Bake a cake, cook a meal, paint / sketch something beautiful, take a photo, write a poem or sew a dress. It could be anything that allows you to imagine and express yourself.
Smile. It is the fastest way to make things just a little bit more bearable.
Monday, December 14, 2009
someday her bus will come
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted nothing in the world but not to miss the bus.
Every day, she will rush after the bell rings and sit in the bus stop, eagerly awaiting her ride. She would crank her neck at every sound, sight or sign of a bus passing her way and feel giddy with anticipation. There were very few things in the world she wanted more than to get into the bus that would take her home.
She would watch her friends from the sidelines of the small confine of the bus stop as they hail their rides and the intended buses stop in front of them to take them home. While she was happy for her friends, every time somebody leaves, she feels more and more alone. There were very few things in the world she wanted more than to not be alone.
Sometimes she felt restless and would think of doing something to pass the time, like read a book, write a blog or have fun. But each time the thought of missing the bus crosses her mind, she forgets about all the other things that make her happy. There were very few things in the world she didn't want to miss more than the bus.
You see, what she did not know was that her home was very near and she could easily have made the trip, if only she was willing to walk. As she is a very smart girl, maybe the narrator is wrong. Maybe she knew. And maybe there were very few things in the world she didn't want to do more than walking home.
She is also very creative and experimental. She would sometimes get into random buses, in the hopes that the bus guide is wrong, the driver will change his route, or that maybe, her home would change to fit the route of the bus. As she lives in a world that was not Narnia, you could not sing yourself into creating what lies ahead. Broken hearted, she will go down on the last stop. Lost. Crying. At this point she will call her parents who love her and would willingly take her home. While she appreciates this, it gives her little comfort to ride home in the backseat of their car going home. She would look back and hope that her bus, is tailing their car. There were very few things in the world she dislikes more than being brought home by her parents.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One day she met another little girl with a very big nose. Let's call her little miss big nose (LMBN). As expected from someone with a big nose, LMBN would ask her about a lot of things like her quest for the bus, her love for cooking, her impeccable report card and her dancing.
She would tell LMBN about her adventures. And this will make her feel better. When she talks to someone, she is reminded that she is not alone.
LMBN is a confusing little girl. Sometimes she will talk and talk and talk, analysing the situation, giving similes, an oxymoron litany, cryptic messages and sometimes, even dragon speak. Other times, she just listens. Maybe LMBN is also lost--she doesn't know how she could help.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One day, she posted an ad about her quest for the bus. A willing driver came across the ad and so the negotiation shortly followed. The deal was shook on. Of course as she is only a child and could be very excitable, she did not get the agreement in writing. She trusted that their conversation was sufficient and that both parties were clear with the terms.
With high hopes, she got into the bus.
As she had anticipated this ride for a long time, she knew very well the timing of the trip. When she didn't see the picket fences supposedly due, she patiently asked the driver, "are we there yet?". The driver said that he wanted to take her sight seeing before going home, as there are many sights to be seen. He wanted an adventure and she is the perfect companion, he said. Pleased with the driver's answer, she relaxed and looked out the window. It was beautiful.
While she was exuberant about the new partnership and their journey, she couldn't shake off the vision of the golden pot at the end of her rainbow. So she asked again, "are we there yet?".
Driver is very fond of her and likes driving with her but lives to drive. So he told her that he could take her home but could not stay with her because he was born to be a driver and driving was his home. He promised to visit her regularly and fulfill no other contracts but the one he has with her.
She looked at the driver. And felt confused.
She nodded. And was silent.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
LMBN just finished typing. She nods. And shuts up.
Every day, she will rush after the bell rings and sit in the bus stop, eagerly awaiting her ride. She would crank her neck at every sound, sight or sign of a bus passing her way and feel giddy with anticipation. There were very few things in the world she wanted more than to get into the bus that would take her home.
She would watch her friends from the sidelines of the small confine of the bus stop as they hail their rides and the intended buses stop in front of them to take them home. While she was happy for her friends, every time somebody leaves, she feels more and more alone. There were very few things in the world she wanted more than to not be alone.
Sometimes she felt restless and would think of doing something to pass the time, like read a book, write a blog or have fun. But each time the thought of missing the bus crosses her mind, she forgets about all the other things that make her happy. There were very few things in the world she didn't want to miss more than the bus.
You see, what she did not know was that her home was very near and she could easily have made the trip, if only she was willing to walk. As she is a very smart girl, maybe the narrator is wrong. Maybe she knew. And maybe there were very few things in the world she didn't want to do more than walking home.
She is also very creative and experimental. She would sometimes get into random buses, in the hopes that the bus guide is wrong, the driver will change his route, or that maybe, her home would change to fit the route of the bus. As she lives in a world that was not Narnia, you could not sing yourself into creating what lies ahead. Broken hearted, she will go down on the last stop. Lost. Crying. At this point she will call her parents who love her and would willingly take her home. While she appreciates this, it gives her little comfort to ride home in the backseat of their car going home. She would look back and hope that her bus, is tailing their car. There were very few things in the world she dislikes more than being brought home by her parents.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One day she met another little girl with a very big nose. Let's call her little miss big nose (LMBN). As expected from someone with a big nose, LMBN would ask her about a lot of things like her quest for the bus, her love for cooking, her impeccable report card and her dancing.
She would tell LMBN about her adventures. And this will make her feel better. When she talks to someone, she is reminded that she is not alone.
LMBN is a confusing little girl. Sometimes she will talk and talk and talk, analysing the situation, giving similes, an oxymoron litany, cryptic messages and sometimes, even dragon speak. Other times, she just listens. Maybe LMBN is also lost--she doesn't know how she could help.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One day, she posted an ad about her quest for the bus. A willing driver came across the ad and so the negotiation shortly followed. The deal was shook on. Of course as she is only a child and could be very excitable, she did not get the agreement in writing. She trusted that their conversation was sufficient and that both parties were clear with the terms.
With high hopes, she got into the bus.
As she had anticipated this ride for a long time, she knew very well the timing of the trip. When she didn't see the picket fences supposedly due, she patiently asked the driver, "are we there yet?". The driver said that he wanted to take her sight seeing before going home, as there are many sights to be seen. He wanted an adventure and she is the perfect companion, he said. Pleased with the driver's answer, she relaxed and looked out the window. It was beautiful.
While she was exuberant about the new partnership and their journey, she couldn't shake off the vision of the golden pot at the end of her rainbow. So she asked again, "are we there yet?".
Driver is very fond of her and likes driving with her but lives to drive. So he told her that he could take her home but could not stay with her because he was born to be a driver and driving was his home. He promised to visit her regularly and fulfill no other contracts but the one he has with her.
She looked at the driver. And felt confused.
She nodded. And was silent.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
LMBN just finished typing. She nods. And shuts up.
straight up
One day last week, I forget which, somebody asked me a question.
Now that is a question.
I would normally say something that gives nothing away like "not you" or something that doesn't make of anything like "oh yeah, that".
But for two reasons, I didn't. This time.
First, was that we are very good friends. And with that comes trust. And concern. Never meddling or firewood for a gossip bonfire.
Second, the question was asked nicely. Perfectly. Honestly. Straight forward, not wrapped in a sly ribboned box.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can tell a lot about someone based on the type of questions a person poses. Like how intelligent, interested or involved.
Or, indifferent.
When you wrote -------------, who were you referring to?
Now that is a question.
I would normally say something that gives nothing away like "not you" or something that doesn't make of anything like "oh yeah, that".
But for two reasons, I didn't. This time.
First, was that we are very good friends. And with that comes trust. And concern. Never meddling or firewood for a gossip bonfire.
Second, the question was asked nicely. Perfectly. Honestly. Straight forward, not wrapped in a sly ribboned box.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can tell a lot about someone based on the type of questions a person poses. Like how intelligent, interested or involved.
Or, indifferent.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
prelude to a proper piece
It is almost half way through December and I can't help but run significant (personal) events that happened this year in my head.
This should be a proper entry, not something you tap while waiting for you watermelon shake to be refilled--or the cheese cake to go down.
And so this will be a short one--a prelude, about someone still somewhat significant.
I guess the thing that may be most apparent to people close to me is HIM, or his absence in my life.
I noticed too, that some started treating me different--not better or worse, just different.
The same go for invitations.
There were questions--95% of them unanswered, about what kind of relationship I have with HIM, now that things are different between us.
I think it is only fair that they ask him too. For me though, we are good. And it is not surprising really. Really.
There could have been awkwardness, maybe even resentment, but respect conquers all. In my version of our book, that is the title of the last chapter.
My drink is here. More retrospective thoughts soon.
This should be a proper entry, not something you tap while waiting for you watermelon shake to be refilled--or the cheese cake to go down.
And so this will be a short one--a prelude, about someone still somewhat significant.
I guess the thing that may be most apparent to people close to me is HIM, or his absence in my life.
I noticed too, that some started treating me different--not better or worse, just different.
The same go for invitations.
There were questions--95% of them unanswered, about what kind of relationship I have with HIM, now that things are different between us.
I think it is only fair that they ask him too. For me though, we are good. And it is not surprising really. Really.
There could have been awkwardness, maybe even resentment, but respect conquers all. In my version of our book, that is the title of the last chapter.
My drink is here. More retrospective thoughts soon.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
all beautiful things
There are a lot of things in and about our home that I love.
While it is out of the question that ours is a lovely one beyond material or visual standards--that is not what I am writing about today.
I am referring to fixtures, paintings, art and other things that make our home if possible, more appealing.
While there a really a lot as my Ate Tan keeps our household in tip top condition. There is one piece that stands out for me. It is not the most expensive or unique item in the house. However, I guess it is my favorite for what it symbolises, represents and reminds me of.
The days that I would be spending with Kuya and Ate Tan may be numbered. We don't know for sure at this point, but I am very grateful that God allowed us to have at least five years together.
While it is out of the question that ours is a lovely one beyond material or visual standards--that is not what I am writing about today.
I am referring to fixtures, paintings, art and other things that make our home if possible, more appealing.
While there a really a lot as my Ate Tan keeps our household in tip top condition. There is one piece that stands out for me. It is not the most expensive or unique item in the house. However, I guess it is my favorite for what it symbolises, represents and reminds me of.
The days that I would be spending with Kuya and Ate Tan may be numbered. We don't know for sure at this point, but I am very grateful that God allowed us to have at least five years together.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
quite the contrary
but that doesn't mean I can't find this cute ;)
Neneng asked me for the "lista", so she can prepare her market list. I looked through my office supplies and realised that I had ran out of post it notes. I then rummaged through our home office supplies and found this. I am suddenly excited to do next week's menu.
Neneng asked me for the "lista", so she can prepare her market list. I looked through my office supplies and realised that I had ran out of post it notes. I then rummaged through our home office supplies and found this. I am suddenly excited to do next week's menu.
almost perfect
If only my eyes are not throbbing and I didn't just come from the clinic, I would say that I love days like today.
Days wherein the busiest two way street in the country is empty...
and pedestrians are seemingly (going) extinct.
Days wherein the busiest two way street in the country is empty...
and pedestrians are seemingly (going) extinct.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
kissed by fire
In one of my favorite books, there is also a wall and that wall separates the others from the rest of the world. Maybe you can argue that it separates the world from the others. My favorite character watches over that wall, so that no one and nothing crosses over.
I have a wall too. While I don't have a direwolf and am not responsible for it, I was always cautious that nothing crossed over.
One day, something did.
And then there were crows laughing, waiting to take a piece of the casualty.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I passed the wall again today. It is very much different from how I remembered.
It was not a dark place. There was even, you won't believe this...a mother and child.
There was a brother tending to it.
And another making sure the rubbish is in the right place.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Will my wall, ever not be my wall? Ygritte is dead.
I have a wall too. While I don't have a direwolf and am not responsible for it, I was always cautious that nothing crossed over.
One day, something did.
And then there were crows laughing, waiting to take a piece of the casualty.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I passed the wall again today. It is very much different from how I remembered.
It was not a dark place. There was even, you won't believe this...a mother and child.
There was a brother tending to it.
And another making sure the rubbish is in the right place.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Will my wall, ever not be my wall? Ygritte is dead.
the reader
It is sort of odd (or maybe I am just sort of dense) that I never knew you read. Every single entry. Both blogs.
I should curse you, because that was like cheating.
But I never asked.
You never lied.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am reminded of last Sunday's sermon. Sins of omission.
The Sin of Omission. Indecently, one of my favorite pieces.
It isn't the thing you do (my) dear, it is the thing you leave undone....
(that gives you a bit of heartache, at the setting of the sun.)
It still surprises me that I would quote that at the age of eleven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was that a free pass to getting to know me? Maybe.
Did it change how you would have reacted to every word, phrase, fragment, line or insight?
I don't want to know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What I do know is that with you, nothing ever goes unnoticed. Nothing is unheard. Nothing in un-thought of.
You are there. Every moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What am I going to do with you?
I should curse you, because that was like cheating.
But I never asked.
You never lied.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am reminded of last Sunday's sermon. Sins of omission.
The Sin of Omission. Indecently, one of my favorite pieces.
It isn't the thing you do (my) dear, it is the thing you leave undone....
(that gives you a bit of heartache, at the setting of the sun.)
It still surprises me that I would quote that at the age of eleven.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was that a free pass to getting to know me? Maybe.
Did it change how you would have reacted to every word, phrase, fragment, line or insight?
I don't want to know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What I do know is that with you, nothing ever goes unnoticed. Nothing is unheard. Nothing in un-thought of.
You are there. Every moment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What am I going to do with you?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
sunday spooning
My Sunday afternoon was spend spooning :)
I had a spoon of condensed milk, two spoons of Nutella and well, a spoon of worms. I would have taken another couple of spoons of Banana Nut Crunch--only, I was too lazy to do more washing.
It's too bad I have already put away all the other spoons when I decided to bring out my camera.
I had a spoon of condensed milk, two spoons of Nutella and well, a spoon of worms. I would have taken another couple of spoons of Banana Nut Crunch--only, I was too lazy to do more washing.
It's too bad I have already put away all the other spoons when I decided to bring out my camera.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
dear zachary
I saw Dear Zachary today. It was created by Kurt for his friend's son--so that he would know his father who passed away before he was born.
While it is a documentary of a man's life, it felt like a movie--a very emotional, pinches-in-the-heart, I-feel-for-you-and-that's-why-I'm-crying film.
Don't tell me I didn't warn you. I highly recommend watching it. Make sure you have a box of tissue beside you when you do. You'll need it. I did.
While it is a documentary of a man's life, it felt like a movie--a very emotional, pinches-in-the-heart, I-feel-for-you-and-that's-why-I'm-crying film.
Don't tell me I didn't warn you. I highly recommend watching it. Make sure you have a box of tissue beside you when you do. You'll need it. I did.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
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