something is not the same

Lately I had been feeling restless about work.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job.  And maybe that is the problem.  Because of this, I am sometimes reluctant about change.  
 
I had an offer come up last month, and once upon a time, I would have jumped at the change.  This time however, after much thought, I turned it down.  Something did not feel right.  I know one thing, I should trust my gut.  And I did.
 
Weeks down the road more changes came, changes that I was not jumping up and down about.  But such is life.  I recognise that.  And while it got be down, bouncing back after a day or two just came naturally.  
 
There had been more and more breaking news.
 
And today’s was… well, the big one.
 
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Now that I had a chance to mull over it on my hour long journey to work, I think this.
 
I had been ignoring something that my heart, mind, gut had been screaming about for weeks.  Months—even before the series of incidents sort of shook me.
 
And maybe it is because of the fondness that I have for what I do now.  I don’t know if I could say love.  Really.  Loving something means never really feeling the need to distance yourself or move away.  So maybe it is fondness.  
 
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I was interviewed for the company newsletter just last week and I was quoted saying that what I do comes naturally to me and maybe that is why I love my job.  Or the other way around.  
 
Maybe it was also the reason why I stay.
 
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Something is coming up next week.  Actually, someone is coming next week.  We’ll see how things go.