still waiting

who runs away from an engagement?

I saw an episode of How I Met Your Mother today, it was when Ted bumps into his ex fiance who left him at the altar. I won't go much into detail but there were more than I few things said that I liked.

I would like to write a lot about it but I'm tired. So I'd just write my top one.

It was when Ted told the man his ex fiance ran away with that he (the ex fiance's current boyfriend) should not feel bad because he (Ted) didn't want the girl anymore because she left him at the altar and ran away with another man. These show what kind of person she was.

And why would you want to be with a person like that?

(Curious. A very curious question.)

assuming

While waiting to board, I suddenly had the craving for something sweet. I went to the random food stall and got some brownies. After paying for it I thought it was over priced for something that is kung ano lang. After I took a bite, I thought this is good, sulit naman pala.

When I was walking to towards the gate, I made a double take because I saw a sign on the stall that said Mrs. Fields.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

some, and then forgiveness

At one point you would have thought that it takes only one act to ruin everything. If you are someone like me, it is something that you would more than sometimes think about.

If we talk human experiences, forgiveness seems to be the glue that brings back life to what had been shattered. It is to say that things are never the same but you have what seems to be or almost something like what was there pre-trauma. I can almost hear Neneng say may lamat na.

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Forgiveness doesn't come very easily for me, I am not sure if it is because well, there were not a lot of people I have had differences with. We are not talking about petty spats, rather BIG things. It could be words spoken, or trivial behavior. Events that change lives, ruin relationships, even slaughter respect, trust or dignity.

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It never fails to surprise me how certain acts make people forget about past experiences.

For example, a neglected child comes to an age that is legally allowed to drive and is given a cool car by the neglecting parents. All of a sudden, the audience shifts. There is no longer a poor child, rather a lucky person with wonderful parents and is an ideal candidate to swap lives with.

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While I am happy to move on, I become watchful of how relationships--once tainted, progress.

I find myself in monologue, trying to have a conversation in my head with God about forgiveness. Should I completely forget?

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I once saw a Discovery Channel feature on how sometimes the brain blocks certain things to protect the person. And this had happened to me in the past.

Once you remember, do you once again push it away so that you forget it forever?

why hello Spock

I know. Cut too short. What to do the next two weeks? Hmmmmmmm.

1. Raise eyebrows
2. Draw higher eyebrow arch
3. Wear big sunglasses
4. Tilt head at awkward angles
5. Blow hair off forehead every other breath
6. Distract people with outrageous clothes
7. Keep head low--literally
8. Wear turtleneck with Star Trek logo
9. Carry a big stick
10. Ignore self

I think, 10 is good.

i want to know

I was watching Oprah just now and I liked what was repeatedly said on the show, a quote from Maya Angelou (who is an autobiographer, I realised after some digging up).

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

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The episode was about betrayal. There were women who had experienced what had happened--or is happening to a myriad of women all over the world, regardless of age, race and what nots. And I am not of an exception--now is not the time to argue technicalities.

All of them admitted having ignored what was right in front of them, only because they wanted to continue the happy life they had. And that it was not only about giving up on the person, but most importantly and most difficult of all was giving up on the idea of a fairy tale.

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One woman said something that struck something in me. She said that the worse part was that everybody knew but her, and so the betrayal grew somewhat exponentially.

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How do you decide if you should say something? When is a couple issue your issue too?

again and again, over and over

My day started with a deep cough that caused me to wake up.

I got up, checked the time, took meds and went back to sleep.

I was awoken by a phone call. I took it and then went back to sleep.

My alarm went off. I snoozed and went back to sleep.

My alarm went off--again. I turned it off intuitively, got up and took a bath.

I dressed up.

I contemplated on making a nutella sandwich for breakfast.

I checked my emails and felt the urge to reply to more urgent ones--even if these are due later in the afternoon.

I made the nutella sandwich and put it in my bag.

I checked my emails--again. And covered some of the things I knew on top of my head that I needed to do today.

I contemplated on getting my umbrella from the washing area. Decided against it.

I went down. And realised I needed an umbrella.

I contemplated on getting my umbrella. I went back to get it.

I went down and headed to my bus stop.

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I would write more just so I have a blog entry that could help insomniacs out a bit, but I am getting sleepy myself.

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I swear I am never one to not be ready waaay ahead of time.

In fact since I could remember, there were only three occasions wherein I had to go back to the house because I forgot something.

(1) today <-- not sure if this would count as I didn't actually forget it. But since having only two items in a list seems odd to me. Fine.

(2) the day I left my laptop at home

(3) that time we had a barbecue party and planned to head to the concert after the small get together

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Hmmmmm. No pattern. Like a lot of things ;-)

scratch and scratch until you succeed

As it is my first time to redeem an iTunes gift card, I realised too late that it scratches differently from a regular iTunes card. As a result, I missed two--at least I believe it to be two characters in code.

I was not sure if Apple was about to tell me the missing numbers that easily. So while I logged a ticket, I also wrote some simple scripts to generate each combination possible. Of course I was not about to try (27 + 10) x (27 + 10) redemption codes. I randomly selected thirty-ish.

In the end, I never got the right one.

The good news is that Apple actually gave me the right code :)

I am so happy with Apple's service that just maybe I will give in and get that thing that I need. Okay, want.

craving for cafe latte

I think the man intended for me to be where I was this afternoon. I am happy to have been but exuberant for things that would not happen.

"smell the hair ninang"

Maintenance, Repair and Overhaul (MRO)

I went to the doctor because the right side of my jaw has been bothering me. For the past four days, I felt like that side would lock.

The doctor told me that it was normal and if it was not caused by an injury and if I had no history of locking, I should wait it out for a few more days. If it continues to bother me, I should go to a dental professional. I was issued some painkillers and was advised not to open my mouth too much. The doctor's last words to me were NO HAMBURGERS.

I wanted to say but I could always use a fork and knife, but decided against it.

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When I got home, I thought I should check if my retainers still fit. Maybe my teeth had shifted during the last few years and it may be the cause of the sudden jaw issue.

It still fit, but wearing it feels like my skull is about to crack open.

I had been wearing my retainers to bed since.

The jaw issues seems to be going away too. I'm not sure if it is just a coincidence. However, I have decided to keep wearing my retainers, till my old age.

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I remember my ortho saying You will wear your retainers every night for the rest of your life. Okay, maybe except your honeymoon night.

big and small

"Ninang, we have the same shoes, but you don't have any shoe laces... and I have two."

upped

It is remarkable how things become real once you verbalise it--at least based on my experience.

Today, I said it. And even if I knew all along, I can't help but feel that something changed today.

Today, one person became more...more.

until proven worthy

Why is it that blind faith seems only possible with friends, family and loved ones for me?

For some people, it comes way too easily with prospects.

i'd like a coke light please

almost fainted :(

warm day