living in

When asked (for kwentuhan purposes by a girl friend) about my stand with regard to living in with a partner, I realized I am unable to answer in a breath if it is something I would consider.

I don't know if it helps that even when I was with someone the thought never occurred to me.

And I don't recall ever saying to myself--or anyone else "It would be great if my partner and I could live together".

But that is not the point.

I know.

So what do I think?

I think that I am currently unable to say if I am for or against it when it comes to my future.

I think that it is not only an economic but also an emotional, mental and ethical decision.

I think that there are two major challenges. The first one caused by the fact that I am afraid of ending up with the wrong person and the second because I am afraid of ending up with the wrong kind of person.

First, if it is remotely possible, it makes breaking up more complicated. You not only have to move on, you also need to move out.

Second, it is like living in limbo. You are more than boyfriend and girlfriend but less than being husband and wife. Relationships are hard. I heard that marriage is harder. Try having to be at a place in between. Being the planner that I am, I could potentially feel uneasy working around a moving target.

I think I shook my head when I heard someone say "I am asking my boyfriend (to live in instead), I don't want to get married, since I don't want to give up the whole forest but to hold one tree only". And it is not about the lack of a more creative metaphor. There is no such thing as a commitment spectrum. A commitment is absolute.

I think there are more than a few relationships that lasted because of the move. I also think that a lot of doomed marriages didn't happen because of moving in.

I think an expectation setting session would help clear the air before taking the leap.

I think living in could be like a perpetual holiday.

I think I am capable of being uncomfortable dating someone who has lived in with someone in the past. I haven't, so I don't know for sure.

I think I would understand if someone I started seeing felt uncomfortable dating me if hypothetically, I lived in with someone in the past.

I think living in allows you to be intimate with someone beyond the level of intimacy brought about by ten years of dating.

I think this entry is getting too long.

I think I should quit typing as there is no point babbling about this now.