I Try Surfing by BhobG

NOTE: I read this blog entry a few months ago and enjoyed it immensely. I don't know Bhob personally, nor have I seen him but I've heard very nice things about him from Migs and Gold.

I went surfing last weekend. Correction. I tried to surf last weekend. The venue was the San Juan Beach Resort in San Juan, La Union, just north of San Fernando. My instructor was a reed-thin lad by the name of Exon. He demonstrated, with the board on the sand, the proper technique for standing up on the board just as it rides on the wave. You push up with both hands, slide the left foot over with the toe on the middle of the board, then spring forward with the other foot, without using your knees, to land on the middle of the board with the foot perpendicular to the board.

Sounds easy huh? Not so, and here are my two reasons.

1. You start out in a horizontal position. That is a problem in itself. When I find myself in a horizontal position I usually like to stay that way. Only food or the promise of interacting with cute girls inspires me to go vertical.

2. From lying face down you need to stand up without the use of your knees. This is hard enough to do from a floor. This is hard enough to do from a bed. This is hard enough to do at gunpoint.

And yet surfing requires you to do it on a slick fiberglass board, perched on a three-foot high wave, with Exon shouting at you and people watching on the shore cringing at the sight. Oh, and you have about a two-second window to do it before the wave swallows you up. Standing up from a face-down position sans knees is like trying to sit without your butt, dance minus the feet, or eat a cheeseburger with something other than your mouth. It's just not going to happen, not with my beached-whale physique. I tried to get on the board five times. My best result was to kneel pathetically on it for three seconds. Don't even ask how the other four went.

I gave up and retreated to the beach to behold JL, one of the guys in our group, repeatedly stay on the board for 5 to 7 seconds a time. JL weighs 108 pounds. JL is taller than my 5'5". JL has abs. JL has abs that have their own abs. JL's waistline is 26. 26 is not a number I usually associate with waistlines. JL has a body fat percentage that is slightly south of my shoe size. It really does help to be thin in this game. Exon is also skinny and he put on a show after the class. He floated on to the board effortlessly and then walked forwards and backwards on the board while it was on the wave. Sick!

But the best show was a short, dusky compact bloke I saw who trotted out onto the sea with his board and repeatedly rode the waves with ease. Not bad for a guy with one leg. I'm serious! He had one leg! The other leg was a stump above the knee! Ok he sort of rested the stump on the board but still! Double sick! I'm glad I tried to surf. It was a swell experience. And I'm sure I'll be doing it again.

With a mouse and a keyboard.