Boston Guy

As a new chapter had begun, I thought it is an opportune time to write about...Boston Guy.

Who is BG?

He is a Mr. Wrong who comes into your life at the "perfect" time.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that he is horrible.  In fact, chances are he is quite likable, maybe funny or charming even.  He is someone you could...stand.  And stand to spend time with. A lot of time with, even.

Only, he isn't the one for you.  And you know it.  Fair enough, maybe not immediately. But in any case, at some point, you knew. And sort of, well... ignore the fact.

You can even make excuses and silly statements like "We have a connection.  Really.  REALLY" talking to yourself.

Your friends don't like him for trivial reasons.  And strangely, you understand why.  

And because he isn't the one, after a few weeks, your brain will just refuse to dumb itself any longer.  You physically and emotionally, will not be able fake it anymore.

Then, it's over.  Just like that.

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BG being an okay guy won't be crushed.  In fact, he probably knew all along what was happening and was just too happy to be part of something seemingly of his interest.  You.  Dating you.  

Dating.

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Later, you'd realise who BG really was for you.

In hindsight, it would appear that BG really is, at a critical moment, a (destined) much needed...distraction.

Maybe to tide you through a rough patch, restlessness or even, boredom.

The latter sounds bad.  Demonic.

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Why Boston?  I'm not saying.  

I do know a pretty girl who'd probably be nodding, smiling and shaking her head as she reads this though.

Oh and BG doesn't have to be from--or even, had been to Boston.

usually

when your (true) friends don't like the guy you're dating, it isn't because they "don't understand", but because YOU don't understand.

dating.com

No idea if there is such a site. I'm not really endorsing a particular one.

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I just read an article in The New Yorker about online dating. Well, it really isn't dating online because you date in person, isn't it? But merely get contact information online.

It talks about the various sites and how they do the matching. It is an interesting piece really.

It is quite similar to what I do. No. Not matchmaking. Sometimes, I need to interview people and based on that, publish my finding to help the business make decisions. I also find correlation.

Obviously, the site takes these findings further and turn them to weighed business rules to perfect the matching algorithm.

It would be interesting to work for these sites.

I bet UAT will have a life of its own.

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We--my ex colleagues and myself once, in a drunken conversation talked about setting up a site solely for breaking up. We even bought a couple of web addresses on the spot.

The next day, we were back looking into the medical software. How exciting.

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I once had dinner with a friend who was was wanting to meet someone.

So I asked her about her other activities and people she meets.

To make a long story short, she is out there but is just not meeting anyone who interests her. Not even uninteresting ones from a certain demographic.

I casually suggested going to a dating site. She looked at me as if I suggested throwing up to lose weight.

And I explained.

I will not do the whole spill again.

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There are some people who are not comfortable saying "I want to find someone". Someone to share my life with, someone to tell me everything will be okay, someone who will always choose me. Someone. Whatever the dependent clause that comes after it is.

Why?

Because it is a sign of weakness? Because people might think that I'm unhappy? Because Filipino women in the general sense were taught to wait? Because I'm having the time of my life with my single friends? Because I don't need a man? Because men are pigs?

Maybe not the pigs part.

For a lot of reasons.

But really. What is wrong with admitting to that?

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I don't think signing up is an indication of anything but honesty. Admitting YOUR truth.

What you do after you "meet" potential matches determines your worth.

It is not the .com that cheapens relationships, but the childish behavior and lack of self respect.

Disclaimer: Don't be stupid, like a lot of things such as binge drinking--there are risks associated meeting up with strangers! But that is not exclusive for dating sites, isn't it? Think ebay sellers :-p

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Do I have an account?

I hate to say NO after stating my case. But I'd hate to run the sequence of events the last four years too.

Sorry.

young love

I would never take photos of strangers using my mobile, but today something caught my eye.It if isn't quite clear what the young man is holding apart from the guitar, I'm happy to tell you that he has a bouquet of white roses and a plastic bag of what appears to be chocolates.

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I remember thinking that when you are young, you tend to scream in other ways than verbally about your feelings.

While I do believe that there is no age limit when it comes to expressing feelings, I would say that a woman would have felt differently about this incident if it happened at this age (as in women close to me age) versus fifteen years ago.

Well, maybe not me--as I had always hated scenes. So let me write "typically".

jeje

I was chatting with a friend and were trying to decipher a new language bore of jeje. Halfway through, she asks me a trivial question that lead to a whole new discussion.

A: Guess what the first Filipino word girls teach their foreign boyfriends?

T: Hmmmmm. Tough one. A curse most likely--or a dirty word. P.I.?

A: "tampo"

T: Isn't that negative? Why not "mahal"?

A: It might be too soon in the relationship, so you can't talk about love.

T: How about "gusto"?

A: "Lambing" maybe.

T: How do you explain that? "deliberately doing exceedingly sweet gestures to show appreciation"?

A: Hmmmm. That's tough.

T: But the exceeding part seems inaccurate. The point I'm trying to drive at is that it should be over the top, unnatural or out of the ordinary.

A: But in real life it is just another way to let the person know that you care.

T: I think I got it. MAKING OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO BE AFFECTIONATE.

A: That's it. Exactly.

i want to know

I was watching Oprah just now and I liked what was repeatedly said on the show, a quote from Maya Angelou (who is an autobiographer, I realised after some digging up).

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

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The episode was about betrayal. There were women who had experienced what had happened--or is happening to a myriad of women all over the world, regardless of age, race and what nots. And I am not of an exception--now is not the time to argue technicalities.

All of them admitted having ignored what was right in front of them, only because they wanted to continue the happy life they had. And that it was not only about giving up on the person, but most importantly and most difficult of all was giving up on the idea of a fairy tale.

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One woman said something that struck something in me. She said that the worse part was that everybody knew but her, and so the betrayal grew somewhat exponentially.

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How do you decide if you should say something? When is a couple issue your issue too?

until proven worthy

Why is it that blind faith seems only possible with friends, family and loved ones for me?

For some people, it comes way too easily with prospects.

thoughtful friday

While there seems to be an abundance of happily married couples amongst friends, colleagues and relatives there alsocases that seem somewhat less ideal.

I wonder what events drive couples, especially newly weds--less than 5 years into the marriage to that place when one or both become contemptuous.

It can't be the duration of the relationship. Or the fact that they are married.

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P1: How does that sit with her? She is okay with it?
P2: No, but so what?

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What happened?

a conclusion (not mine)

novelty.

it that really all to it?

i'd like to think that it isn't so.

you're that kind

T: There is that kind. At first glance, you think wow, then later you think quite good until one day it just becomes not bad. In some cases, it goes down to umm, not really.

A: I know what you mean. But then there's the other kind.

T: Yeah. It would start would one thing. And one seemingly ordinary day you think wow.

A: I think you're that kind... the grows on you kind.

engagement

Lately, it seems like much excitement around me is caused by one thing. Engagement. Not really getting engaged, but more along the lines of not getting engaged. Or engagement to someone--else.

Engagement. A defining moment where people start making plans to start making plans for marriage. Notice I didn't put wedding, but marriage. An entirely different thing.

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Someone said he hasn't proposed because he is yet to feel it. That while he is happy with his partner, he has not felt like proposing.

I don't know the mechanics of popping the question, I'd think that it is more than momentary inspiration or a jolt of emotions as it is as much a feeling of certainty, happiness and love as it is a decision.

I don't understand. What does he mean?

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Someone said they never had the talk about marriage. But now, a couple of weeks later, he is engaged to another.

I don't know the mechanics of popping the question, but does this mean an event-- momentary inspiration or a jolt of emotions had transpired?

I don't understand. What does this mean?

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Someone asked me why I am still not engaged, given my age.

I don't know the mechanics of popping the question, but are momentary inspirations or jolts of emotions supposed to happen at a specific age?

I don't understand. What does she mean?

(dragon) fire starter

What was I looking for?

I wasn't. Looking for something. Anything. Not looking.

Enjoying. Passing. Going through. Walking. Lazily. Leisurely.

It is surprising how the long story started with the words YOU LOST ME.

someday her bus will come

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted nothing in the world but not to miss the bus.

Every day, she will rush after the bell rings and sit in the bus stop, eagerly awaiting her ride. She would crank her neck at every sound, sight or sign of a bus passing her way and feel giddy with anticipation. There were very few things in the world she wanted more than to get into the bus that would take her home.

She would watch her friends from the sidelines of the small confine of the bus stop as they hail their rides and the intended buses stop in front of them to take them home. While she was happy for her friends, every time somebody leaves, she feels more and more alone. There were very few things in the world she wanted more than to not be alone.

Sometimes she felt restless and would think of doing something to pass the time, like read a book, write a blog or have fun. But each time the thought of missing the bus crosses her mind, she forgets about all the other things that make her happy. There were very few things in the world she didn't want to miss more than the bus.

You see, what she did not know was that her home was very near and she could easily have made the trip, if only she was willing to walk. As she is a very smart girl, maybe the narrator is wrong. Maybe she knew. And maybe there were very few things in the world she didn't want to do more than walking home.

She is also very creative and experimental. She would sometimes get into random buses, in the hopes that the bus guide is wrong, the driver will change his route, or that maybe, her home would change to fit the route of the bus. As she lives in a world that was not Narnia, you could not sing yourself into creating what lies ahead. Broken hearted, she will go down on the last stop. Lost. Crying. At this point she will call her parents who love her and would willingly take her home. While she appreciates this, it gives her little comfort to ride home in the backseat of their car going home. She would look back and hope that her bus, is tailing their car. There were very few things in the world she dislikes more than being brought home by her parents.

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One day she met another little girl with a very big nose. Let's call her little miss big nose (LMBN). As expected from someone with a big nose, LMBN would ask her about a lot of things like her quest for the bus, her love for cooking, her impeccable report card and her dancing.

She would tell LMBN about her adventures. And this will make her feel better. When she talks to someone, she is reminded that she is not alone.

LMBN is a confusing little girl. Sometimes she will talk and talk and talk, analysing the situation, giving similes, an oxymoron litany, cryptic messages and sometimes, even dragon speak. Other times, she just listens. Maybe LMBN is also lost--she doesn't know how she could help.

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One day, she posted an ad about her quest for the bus. A willing driver came across the ad and so the negotiation shortly followed. The deal was shook on. Of course as she is only a child and could be very excitable, she did not get the agreement in writing. She trusted that their conversation was sufficient and that both parties were clear with the terms.

With high hopes, she got into the bus.

As she had anticipated this ride for a long time, she knew very well the timing of the trip. When she didn't see the picket fences supposedly due, she patiently asked the driver, "are we there yet?". The driver said that he wanted to take her sight seeing before going home, as there are many sights to be seen. He wanted an adventure and she is the perfect companion, he said. Pleased with the driver's answer, she relaxed and looked out the window. It was beautiful.

While she was exuberant about the new partnership and their journey, she couldn't shake off the vision of the golden pot at the end of her rainbow. So she asked again, "are we there yet?".

Driver is very fond of her and likes driving with her but lives to drive. So he told her that he could take her home but could not stay with her because he was born to be a driver and driving was his home. He promised to visit her regularly and fulfill no other contracts but the one he has with her.

She looked at the driver. And felt confused.

She nodded. And was silent.

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LMBN just finished typing. She nods. And shuts up.

the reader

It is sort of odd (or maybe I am just sort of dense) that I never knew you read. Every single entry. Both blogs.

I should curse you, because that was like cheating.

But I never asked.

You never lied.

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I am reminded of last Sunday's sermon. Sins of omission.

The Sin of Omission. Indecently, one of my favorite pieces.

It isn't the thing you do (my) dear, it is the thing you leave undone....

(that gives you a bit of heartache, at the setting of the sun.)

It still surprises me that I would quote that at the age of eleven.

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Was that a free pass to getting to know me? Maybe.

Did it change how you would have reacted to every word, phrase, fragment, line or insight?

I don't want to know.

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What I do know is that with you, nothing ever goes unnoticed. Nothing is unheard. Nothing in un-thought of.

You are there. Every moment.

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What am I going to do with you?

I.LOVE.

While sipping Riesling with a good friend, we started keeping each other up to date with recent happenings. It had been a while since we last hung out. Loads of nonsense--or what would mean nothing to the rest of the world, but would mean something to your good friends. These things, I will not write about.

There is one thing though.

A movie.

A movie I recommended him to watch. I did tell him (and his girlfriend) that it is a movie that is better seen alone or with someone other than your significant other. That would take something away. As they are both intelligent people, I left it at that.

He admitted that it took him weeks until he decided to give the movie a go.

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He liked it. A lot.

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I

LOVE

US

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Now, THAT is a genius line.

I don't think I have to explain where or when that line would fit, because if are someone who would appreciate, it only means that you know.

Now why is it genius?

I <-- this denotes ownership. never vague. clear. personal. very personal.

LOVE <-- aha! the magic word. the key word. the word that crumbles walls.

US <-- a term that refers to myself and another individual, you.

love is complicated

I had a very long trip home yesterday. And the cab driver utilised the time quite well by telling me his story.

He began by saying "Love is complicated, correct (or) not?"

My reply in my head was "Please don't tell me your story. I just want to go home", but instead I said "Yeah.", hoping it would end there.

Guess what? It didn't.

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He was married a long time ago, that time he was sure their love would last forever. They would say I will love you forever and mean it. They had two kids and they were happy.

But one day, his wife started to take him for granted. That was the beginning of the end.

They later separated, and this was the arrangement for three years. He begged the wife to reconsider, but she said she was sure and that the decision was already made.

They divorced.

Then as if God intended it to happen, he bumped into an old love. It was a clear sign from the heavens that they were meant to be together--according to uncle. They got together and were very happy.

It wasn't as if any how I find someone and made girlfriend, ya? he adds.

All is well in paradise until the wife decided that she wants to get back together with him. He said that the was through, because the love has died between them (as Neneng would say patay na ang flame), and he had already moved on.

The wife asked the kids to talk to their father. To tell him that they should be a family again and rebuild from where they got off.

He loves his girlfriend, but he has a hard time letting the kids down. He feels likes he owes them.

He sighs.

After heavy breaths, he says Love is complicated. You have no love, it is lonely. You have too much love, headache. So how a?

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I smile to myself, as I don't see anything complicated here.

how did you know?

I heard from a good friend yesterday. He was asking me how I knew it was IT.

What he wanted to know was that for all the times I went through with it, what made me decide that it was time to let go.

Wow.

I've been asked this question more than a few time, but it was never quite phrased like this, collectively. FOR ALL THE TIMES. Generally, one would refer to the latest, but my friend, as you know is NOT usual.

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I could have given him a blow by blow of my thought process, but that would be pointless. I said what I thought would make most sense to him now.

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I said that while I couldn't tell him reasons why he should stay, I could tell him unreasonable reasons to stay. I could easily give him ten but I chose to share only one, sayang naman lahat ng time and effort that we put into the relationship.

(500) days of summer

Why is it that people around me are fussing about the movie?

Hmmmmmm. Let's see.

1. because the scale is always tipped. no matter how little, how seemingly insignificant, the scale is always tipped.
2. because sometimes the proverbial screen--picture splits and you realise the glaring difference between your expectation and reality.
3. because there is that day, the beginning of summer.
4. because summers end.
5. because sometimes you only remember the good things, and until someone points that out, you are that idiot with selective memory.
6. because when you look back, it pays if you look again.
7. because sometimes she is just not sure.
8. friends my b*lls.
9. because technicalities suck.
10. because sometimes walls crumble.
11. because you want to be the first (and only) one she tells.
12. because you already have a best friend.
13. because you want to be the best friend...if only (and only if) there is more to it.
14. because even if she is of average height, average weight and (slightly above) average sized feet--to you, she can never be average. Or he.
15. because you are never really sure whether coincidences are just that, coincidences.

defending the caveman

Compromise versus negotiation. The hunter and the gatherer. Don Johnson wears pastels. The perfect man in the nineties was a ghost. You are off by three feet. I am not an assh*le.

trust agenda

Recently, I had been asked at work what Trust Agenda meant to me. While it takes a second to think about and decide what it translates to, it takes a much longer time when it comes to its application in my personal life.

While I trust in people, I find that lately I have trouble trusting my trust in people.

No. It isn't paranoia. I think it is over application of lessons learnt.

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After much ado, I realized that it was not trusting that got me the first time. It was failure to recognize changes. No wait. It wasn't that too. It was, failure to acknowledge changes.

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It is funny how it takes a company campaign for me to re-evaluate one of the hardest lessons I learned.