mamboys

There is only one person who uses this word. And I haven't come across it for a very long time--until recently.

Mamboys.

It is a verb--interacting with boys (or men) in a casual way but not without malicious intent.

Mysterious Skin

Imagine my surprise when I realized that the character Neil grew up to be the boy in 3rd Rock from the Sun. Oh, and he can act. I think I would want to see his other movies.This is a must see. And it is not because of the girl with a pearl earring!

There is no other way I would have liked a movie that included aliens, prostitution, baseball and trailer parkish moms.

I refuse to write more except make time to see this. Please.

it's saturday

I got an early email at 9:30 AM from a very close friend.

I think I am one of the people who appreciates him most. There are many reasons behind the appreciation.

The traffic in Manila and the proximity of our homes gave us the chance to become close. Up to now people wonder how we got to be good friends when besides our degrees, parental homes' geography and rules on disclosure (which is not apparent for very obvious reasons, so maybe only the first two count), we have nothing in common.

Whenever I come home to Manila, I do my best to get in touch with him. And each time, it is like we are back to our college carpool days.

This post isn't about conversations shared while speeding at two meters per minute. It is about the email.

Two lines.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you decide to break-up with someone?
How do you decide to throw away all the time and emotion you’ve invested?

Tough questions.

I think the answer(s) would vary (to some extent) depending on the kind of relationship you have and want.

First off, I believe that there are degrees of dissatisfaction that correspond to for the lack of a better term, a break-up spectrum which has four major phases (1) thinking of breaking up, (2) seeking counsel, (3) weighing of options and (4) breaking up. It isn't necessary to go through each one, nor to lead to the last.

In my opinion, the minute you touch on the metaphoric spectrum, it means that something has to change. People (who make sense) don't think of breaking up just because they are bored.

Asking yourself questions might be the best way to assess the situation.

Do you truly want to work things out? If your answer is NO, then there is no need to proceed.

Is there anything your partner can do to make you want to stay? Again, if your answer is NO, then there is no need to proceed.

What do you want to happen? Is it (reasonably) possible? Sustainable? The first in the series is hardest to answer, and it might take some time before you can really figure this out. If you answer YES to either of the next questions, proceed to the next question.

How far are you willing to negotiate? If you do, is it something you can live with? Will you resent your partner? The key phrase here being you can live with, at the end of it all, it boils down to that regardless if the reason for dissatisfaction is an arrangement, an event, a sin of omission, a habit, or even a quirk.

Think of how you feel about the relationship today. Think of how you imagine feeling about the relationship tomorrow, the day after, next week, next month. I am not an expert, but I know that the right relationships feel right. In a general sense it should make you feel good. Happy. Not suffocating, dreadful, resentful, bitter, beat or inadequate.

I think I have once again, overwritten. I'm not sure if this helped. I understand that at this point you don't really want to talk about it, but you would appreciate some thoughts.

(I'm not sure if you remember that time I was crying the whole time during the drive from school to our street. You came by later to bring and say something. It helped. If only I am in Manila now, I'd be by your doorstep.)

favoritE

I was lying in bed after a very exhausting day (I did after all, lose my other phone, tidied my desk, comforted a friend over bowls of Sukiyaki and shortened my jeans), I was ready to fall asleep when a window popped-up.

Hello.

I think it has been roughly six years.

I got a few jabs. He claimed that he was playing Manny Pacquiao. I said he should quit, as he might just knock me out.

Chatting with him was well worth the puyat.

It is nice to know that despite the years, the distance, the things that happened, the things that are happening and the things that would never happen, we remain good friends.

exciting lunch date with camille

(previously karma "camille yawn")

My lunch was just partially touched. Maybe it was the curry puff I had for breakfast.

In likelihood it was probably about the conversation I was having with a good friend. It had been so long since I really had a chance to have an extensive exchange with her.

So many things changed over the last eight years, yet I feel as if I know her still.

It is nice to talk to someone going through the same whatever-part-of-life-you-are-at as you. It was as if our thoughts meshed seamlessly.

I really wish I could write more but that would be over sharing. I over write, yes. Over share? No.

nana pina

Nana Pina just passed away. She is my lola's sister. I think of all my grandparents' siblings, she is the one closest to my family.

Whenever my lola, who is based in Canada flew to Manila to visit during summer break, Nana Pina who lived in the province would take time to go to Manila to spend time with us too.

I remember how my aunt (who lived right beside our house) would bring out the sewing machines and set it up outside so the all three ladies could sew, just for fun by the garden.

I also remember pestering my lola and Nana Pina to sew dresses for my doll, Bingo. My lola, with Nana Pina's help would make clothes for me (and for Bingo, so we match). Nana Pina even took it further by making scrunchies for me too with the remains of the cloth.

She was a petite woman who spent the whole day smiling. I think there is no one who could ever accuse her of being anything but pleasant.

For some reason, I keep remembering that day she asked me to help, by wrapping buttons with fabric that matched pillowcases so that the buttons become invisible. I managed to make two, one she had to redo.

I never really know what to say about death beyond the condolences. I guess this post ends here but not without adding that I find saying a silent prayer is the single effective self soothing act man can do.

(Image from shopping.erol.co.uk)

south side

So I haven't taken a single quiz in facebook. Not planning to take any. I must admit that I did find one amusing. The Are you from the dirty south or the filthy north? or something like that.

My bestfriend was insisting that her results are wrong as she and I both are true to the south side.

Below is the breakdown of points considered to be from the south. But before that, can I just add that I am surprised there was no mention of having car pass stickers (Alabang Hills, Friendship, BF, etc) even for the villages you don't live in.

MAHILIG KANG UMINOM SA BAHAY BAHAY <-- True, but I also like going out :)

PAG MAY DADATE KANG BABAE DADALHIN MO SA MOVIE OR COFFEE LANG <-- I never took a woman out on a date. I can't confirm. Why is there a LANG in the statement? Is this about being non-committal?

PAG MAGREGALO KA KURIPOT PERO MEANINGFUL! <-- I seriously think that anything from someone important to you IS meaningful.

MADALAS KANG NASA TOWN CENTER <-- You got it!

MAHILIG KANG TUMAMBAY SA BF PARANAQUE... <-- Accurate.

MAHILIG KAYO SA MGA SALITANG "STEADY LANG", "SIR", "CHIEF"... <-- "Steady". I didn't think that everyone used it. (I have a feeling that I know who wrote this quiz!)

GALIT KAYO SA GIMIKERO! <-- Why, not at all. Not at all.

LAGI KANG LATE SA GIMIKAN <-- I am punctual. So, NO. Wait. I think there is some confusion. There is a difference between LAGI KANG LATE and LAGI KANG LATE SA GIMIKAN. Let me just say that I am there on the set time. Whether the set time is late or not, I can't tell. Steady lang.

KAHIT MALAYO PA YAN KAYO RIN ANG HULING UMUUWI SA INUMAN MAPANORTH OR SOUTH <-- Hence, prinsesa mode.

double ponchoish retaso and dumbo

I made two more Ponchoish pieces today. When gathering the excess cloth to throw away, I was suddenly reminded of a childhood favorite story book, Dumbo. I think I would be the only person who think of Dumbo faced with this mess.

my blueberry nights

I just saw the movie but I am not going to write about it. I would write however, about that day near Christmas last year, that day that I got some bad news.

I felt my heart jump when it was spelled out for me and there was that feeling again, like there is something caught in your throat and you can't swallow and can't not swallow at the same time. I acted cool and tried my very best to sound cheerful, after all, we were talking about the holidays.

Later, I decided to go out and see a movie. It is weird how I go and watch movies by myself at times when I have something bothering me. That was the intention, watch a movie by myself.

I checked online and found that the cinema was showing My Blueberry Nights and Across the Universe. I t took a while for me to decided what to watch. Eventually, I got a ticket for the latter.

When I got to the cinema, I saw a friend who likes to watch movies by herself too (don't ask me, I don't know if she does it when she wants to think too), she said she just saw a movie and wanted to see another one.

I really didn't mind having her company as she is one of my favorite persons whom I rarely get to hang out with. Needless to say, we ended up watching together and having early dinner.

By the time I got home, I was still deeply saddened however, the shock of the news had worn off. It helped to that I saw a good friend, although I never mentioned anything about the news that I had, her presence had somehow given me comfort (it could be the spicy chicken in the cinema though).

I remember that day as if it happened yesterday, and I can't quite figure out why. Even now, I can still somewhat feel how I did that day.

I did keep a mental note to see My Blueberry Nights.

And then, today happened.

light-headed

I cut my hair. I think it is exactly how my hair was in the college yearbook. It is scary. My head feels super light. That is scary too. I look very tired in this photo. Can I just inject the word scary one more time?

blow

Look what I got!

Miss Personality

Friday Manila Style

In Manila , you spent the whole day thanking God that it's Friday. Every week, without miss, the air feels different on the fifth working day.

You get in your car and tune to 99.5RT and listen to classics! From southern suburbia to the business district, Makati , classic gold!

You get to the office and see the orange juice, ready for the taking. You remind yourself to thank God again.

You work--leisurely and decide to pay for it on Monday when you'd again, work like a horse and end at 11PM, after your supposed 9 - 10 PM call.

You have a two-hour lunch at a nice place with your evil teammates. And end it with a sinful dessert, that again, you need to burn off in the gym on Monday.

You bitch about the company policy, that despite of the casual day friday rule, you find it doesn't really mean casual, that after all the restrictions and conditions are taken into consideration, you end up wearing what other people wear from Monday to Thursday.

You spend time tracking your team's charges against the buckets and spend more time clocking your hours. But you don't complain, because in a few hours, you'd be free.

Just when you feel that your head is about to explode and that you can't look at another excel sheet, someone asks you to smoke. And it feels like Friday again.

When it's time to go home, you kickoff your weekend with a couple of drinks at Dream Bar while listening to 80's songs.

And the week long party begins.

Great minds dress alike

Something from 2004!

Tinapay

For miryenda (afternoon snack), I toasted sliced bread with condensed milk. It was really good.

I swear, it could have been almost retrospective if only I hadn't used wheat bread.

Mediums please

I have switched to Marlboro Ultra Lights since I moved to Singapore almost three years ago. Yesterday, while I was in front of the 7-eleven counter, I saw a Marlboro Mediums pack and decided to get it instead of my usual.

It reminded me of that time when I was starting my college education, it was a time when Php 500 would be enough to buy dinner for two at T.G.I. Friday's and TGIS meant a very popular show in channel 7. It also meant carpool, quarter pounders and caramel sundaes, that gold bracelet with a heart charm, my giant piggy bank, Baskin-Robbins in Town Center, "happy berday" cakes and banana breads.

Scents, feelings, specific weather, and as I recently discovered, cigarettes remind me of spefic moments, or even a period of time. While I am not one to dwell on the past, I find myself feeling extra happy to have a flashback--even for a just split second and surrender to the nostalgia attack.

Rhea's Birthday is July 5, 1979

Every year, she doesn't fail to remind me that I forgot her birthday and that I did not greet her.

She even claims that I have not once, in the eleven years that we've known each other greeted her.

That is not true!

I managed to greet her on the years that Pam reminded me that it is her birthday.

I don't do it on purpose. I am just real bad with dates.

This year, I did good. I greeted her before her birthday passed. I did so good that I greeted her, a day before her birthday.

We'll see what happens next year.

Dad Drinks

It's Saturday night and I find myself at the resort bar with some friends.

Two seemingly married couples were playing billiards.

Three men were at the bar, drinking beer while alternately singing sentimental songs.

A large group of teenagers were having a blast, telling stories, snickering, singing along karaoke songs.

The waiter was hitting on my friend.

Looking at my Johnnie-7, I am suddenly reminded of Dad Drinks.

Back in Manila, I usually spend Saturday nights with Poldo, Ricks, RP and Quiel. We'd watch movies, go to Tagaytay, bowl, food trip at Dampa, but whatever activity, we always end the night with a couple of drinks.

Everyone would get beer, except me, my drinks depended on my mood.

Sometimes when we feel like celebrating, Poldo and I would get Asti. That was our special bonding drink.

The set-up changes a bit when there are parties.

Guys drink beer, the girls drink vodka or bailey's while the older gentlemen drink Whiskey or Brandy, hence Dad Drinks. Being the girl who makes the supposed-all-boys-group interesting, as Quiel put it, (because they have a female companion, they are not seen as dogs, I de-dog the group), I drink with the boys. This translates to, when the booze starts running low, I'd switch to the Dad drinks so that the other girls could have what is left of the ladies' drink.

They used to laugh at me drinking these dad drinks. And I wasn't too happy giving up the cutesy drinks. But as I finished my drink and ask for a Johnnie-Walker-on-the-rocks, I'm thinking that I miss Saturday Night parties at the Southside.

Summer Place

Beach season!

Being the tropical person that I am (when in cold climate, I get static hair, my skin breaks out and my lips chap), I love the summer. Although my body has yet to recover from the seven pounds I gained over the Christmas holiday, I am excited to head out the the beach this weekend.

I am suddenly reminded of Nins. She is the only person besides myself who thinks that November is the best time to go to Bora.

This is one of our favorite beach pictures. We both had this picture stuck on our whiteboards, maybe to remind ourselves that working at least 12-hours a day would entitle us to a productivity bonus, giving us more offset days and not to mention, extra money, hence we could go to the beach more often.

This picture was meant to go this way and it is really funny how when we get to our respective desks, we would ALWAYS find that someone has turned it the other way. We never figured out who did it, and why. We used to joke that maybe it was the cleaning lady who did it. Although we do have some suspects! Hahaha.

It has been too long since I was last in the beach with Nins.

Drunkard Nihuhu, you are veru much missed.

Sister Act

It is funny how as kids, my sister and I fought a lot. Mostly about trivial things, mostly because of me. I was the initiator, she was the victim, of course at that time I thought she was just being petty. Looking back, I did give her a hard time.

When I started working, our driver retired to be a vegetable trader. To save gas, my parents decided that my sister and I should share rides going to work. My sister would wake me up everyday, that is no easy task! She literally had to throw tantrums everyday to get me to start fixing up. Everyday, I get up only when she is a few seconds short from tears. When I get in the car, I put on my sunglasses and sleep some more. She would wake me up when the car is along Dela Costa, particularly at Tower I driveway. Oh, and she also made me a sandwich and would throw in a drink, a meal which I'd eat when I get to my desk.

When I switched jobs and found myself in an erratic schedule, she would carpool most days so that I could bring the car home at night. It was pretty much that way most of the time, she gave way to me.
On times when I get home real tired that I fall asleep with my shoes on, I would wake up to find myself in a night shirt. She, apparently changed my clothes so that I would have a more comfortable slumber.
Just when we were starting to get along, I realized, she was of age, and was getting married. I was both happy and sad when I found out. I was happy because I knew her husband all my life and I know that he is a good person and I'm glad my sister has found that one person she was going to spend the rest of her life with. I was sad because I'm not sure I was able to show her how much I appreciate all the things she has done for me. I was too caught up with my life that I failed to see her.

I was Maid of Honor in her wedding, and again, I failed to deliver. As hectic as my job was, I was not able to help much on the arrangements. My feeble attempt to make it up to her was to direct and produce the material for her wedding video. She thanked me profusely, but I think that is a small thing compared to the role she has played in my life.

Realizing she was pregnant, she told me that baby girl or baby boy, I would be the godmother of her baby. I was very happy. I thought to myself. "At last I could be that person to her baby, that person that she was to me".

I found myself in a plane moving to Singapore three days before she gave birth. My bestfriend had to stand there as my proxy during A's christening.

I try. I do. And I feel real bad that it seems as though I am never there for her. I hope my sister realizes how much I love her and that when I was being sentimental and told her that she was the wind beneath my wings, I meant it. I am not a big fan of drama. I know it is damn cheesy. It is very uncharacteristic of me. But that is what she is to me.