books and breaths

It is April and this is only my third post. 

Funny thing is that my writing mojo isn't amiss or anything, I just...didn't write.

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The past year I had been randomly reading yoga books--and these books aren't the kind you stay all night up for to get to the end.  These are those books you read one page of, then need a month to apply the theory so you can read the next. 

As yoga is a journey, I truly do not know how long it will take or how many times I'd need to read these lessons.

Even now when I see the trail of books at home mostly partially read, it doesn't discourage me.  It in fact, reminds me that there are many aspects of yoga, thus the book pile.

What I do know is that after years of hearing (not truly listening) the teacher in class, I finally am able to get it into my head, heart and mind how important breath is.

Breathe.  Don't forget to breathe.

This is as common as traffic lights in highways as it is in yoga classes.

I find that I am always reminded. 

Create space. 

Send your breath to where there is tightness.

Strong breaths.

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I truly do not like 'measuring' how far I have gone in terms of my yoga journey.

But I can say that my awareness and mindfulness of breath had helped me dramatically.  The change may be one millimeter visually, but inside--within me, I feel the shift.
 
Alignments suddenly happen and I began to feel new "muscles" or areas that perhaps were not being energised before.

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There are still days when I seem unable to do any poses.  And this is something I need to accept and respect.

Perhaps, these are the days I ought to focus on just breathing.  Nothing else.

closed door

I am still in some form of denial that my yoga studio may be closing for good.

Maybe that is a good thing, there are always new studios to checkout and different classes to try.  It is also a good opportunity for me to find somewhere more convenient.

I guess as I am such a creature of habit, my not-so-conveniently-located-yoga-studio feels like home and swapping for a closer one doesn't really entice me.

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There is a set of yoga clothes stored in my office drawer, something I keep there in case I have the sudden urge to go to class.  And while there is no chance at all that I am going this week, I had not brought it home yet.

Hoping?  Maybe.

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I practiced a little bit at home yesterday.  I needed the stretch.  And my short vacation caused some softness in the midsection. 

(Thanks Mom for keeping me well fed.)

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I feel a little bit melancholy. 

Somehow, my studio closing feels to me like a good friend is moving away for good. 

Maybe it is because of the strong association of the practice to the physical place.  My first yoga class ever, I took with this yoga company.

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I have started looking around and while there are two I had shortlisted, I don't think I am ready to commit.

I think I need more time.

Meanwhile, I have the feeling my yoga mat and block at home will take some beating till then. 

inTENSE

While I a still at beginner level at yoga, one thing that I appreciate is the increased awareness and improved ability to "listen" to my body.

In the past, I did not realise that my muscles were tense most times during the day--including the jaw and neck.

Since this eye opening moment, I would consciously relax any muscle that is engaged, unless of course I am carrying out physical activities.

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During challenging or more thoughtful times, I catch myself tensing facial muscles more.

Last week was particularly hectic and interesting in the office. And we all know how that went....

Yesterday, I couldn't really see.

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Today, the my facial muscles seem overworked. It feels spent.

I've consciously counted how many times I caught myself tensing the last two hours, I stopped counting at six.

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I think I need a recording of my favorite yoga instructor asking me to lelac my tang, tee, joe....

out of reach

I had not been able to reach my toes standing up for as long as I could remember. Seriously.

A few years ago, I started going to yoga classes--passively. I thought it was as simple as attending a few sessions. It wasn't.

After using up my class card, I just stopped trying.

While having lunch the other day, we started talking about flexibility and endurance. I casually mentioned this to my brother who looked at me frowning saying "There is no reason why you can't as you don't have a ballooning tummy plus yoga claases should have given you better flexibility".

The next day, I gave it a shot the minute I woke up.

Guess what. I reached my toes!

I suddenly felt accomplished at thirty.

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I gave it another shot this morning after eating what seemed like ration for a family of three during last night's buffet dinner. Amazingly, I still reached all the way.

I hope the same is true tomorrow--about flexibility and not dinner. And the day after that. And the day after that.

acid rain

I hate how yoga class turned out today :(

On the fifth pose, I started to feel my stomach becoming acidic. And on the sixth, I knew I couldn't go on.

I laid down to wait out the class until it reached the lying poses.

While I went up and beyond during on the lying poses, at the end of the class, it felt lacking.

I can't figure out what was up today. The yoga teacher always says that our bodies are different everyday and if your body tells you to back up a bit, that is what you have to do. And I did. Back up.

I am somewhat disappointed that I didn't do much during the class. The person I was with said that I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I know he is right...but sometimes, admittedly, I could be quite stubborn.

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And as if the weather was sympathising with me, on the way home it started to rain--hard.

(out of) reach

There is one yoga pose that I always felt that I am hopeless at, at the beginning of that pose I always always get dizzy.

One instructor told me that it was an emotional pose. And that the reason behind my inability to go even halfway through into is that I refuse to let go. He said that I shouldn't be so determined to keep feelings at bay. Hmmmmm.

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Emotional. Not really a word that could be used to describe me. Maybe I'm doomed to sit and breathe while everyone else are in their camel positions. Forever.

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I like attending classes conducted different instructors. Each one focuses on different things. It was not uncommon for me to discover things that I am doing wrong.

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Today, the instructor talked about fear. She said that the only reason anyone couldn't do the pose is fear. I wanted to say "what about a bad back?", but I don't want to be banned from class.

I thought (Jester, be with me here) "I may be a lot of things, but I am not a coward". (Horror movies and ghost stories not included!)

So I leaned back, bent back, reached back, and was suddenly in full camel position. For two sets. With the rest of the class.

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It is strange how I don't feel any more emotional :-p