6750 ten years back

Yesterday, I saw ex-lovers share a moment almost as if they were just about to fall in love. Not unlike a scene that had happened in another place and time.

Whatever it is or isn't, at that moment, I thought 1-0 ;)

was it good?

My best friend asks me after I posted the same photo on her wall. So, was it? I ask myself.

I think the better question would be what was I expecting?

I think I am making this more complicated that it actually is, and I think too that I should start at the beginning.

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There are two previous occasions where we had come across this cupcake.

The first time, we just finished a VERY hearty meal and there was no way we could take another bite. But looking at them made my mouth water, and I had convinced myself that I was hungry. Luckily, someone wonderful pointed out that it wouldn't be a good idea to get a cupcake. In fact, it was a horrible idea.

The second time was slightly more complicated. We had a lighter meal compared to the first incident--that was no means light, just so I am absolutely clear. We later had drinks--yes, drinks in the cafe and at some point found that there was actually room for a cupcake. But just when we were about to order, a dozen chicken wings from another establishment miraculously found its way to our table.

Sorry girls.

Then, tonight.

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I am quite sorry that my best friend was not with me. But let me tell you about the cupcake. And my thoughts.

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I always thought that the cupcake appealed to me, but I also always knew that it wouldn't be great.

Not only not great, in fact, I knew it was going to be so so.

Why?

1. High expectations - I've imagined what it should taste like.
2. Anticipation - Two. Failed. Attempts.
3. Experience - I've had one cupcake from this place before and it was quite dry.

So there I was, knowing what I knew, feeling that feeling in my gut yet I just went with it.

And after everything. I think to myself, I knew what was gonna happen, I knew it was not worth all the drama. For a fact. What did I expect?

Nothing that didn't happen.

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I can't help but feel that it was all wasted time.

But, oh well.

There really wasn't anything else to do but move on--to what I know would truly make me happy :)

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Past tense?

the last lesson

A few weeks back, I couldn't help but wonder why new old things started bubbling at the surface.

Why now-ish?

Hmmmmmmm.

There seems to be may probable reasons, but the one that fits is that it had to be revealed. Simple.

This the last detail of an old story. Of love? Maybe. But perhaps, of lessons may be more appropriate.

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It is funny how you feel you've learnt all the lessons out of a situation...three years later, you realise there are more!

did i say that? for real?

I think I said it out loud. I think I said I am tired of waiting, out loud. I think I said it out loud to someone.

I know I did.

But I'm not sure if I meant it.

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What should I say if that moment comes, when I truly, utterly, undeniably, 100% mean it?

I can't just walk out, right?

who runs away from an engagement?

I saw an episode of How I Met Your Mother today, it was when Ted bumps into his ex fiance who left him at the altar. I won't go much into detail but there were more than I few things said that I liked.

I would like to write a lot about it but I'm tired. So I'd just write my top one.

It was when Ted told the man his ex fiance ran away with that he (the ex fiance's current boyfriend) should not feel bad because he (Ted) didn't want the girl anymore because she left him at the altar and ran away with another man. These show what kind of person she was.

And why would you want to be with a person like that?

(Curious. A very curious question.)

i want to know

I was watching Oprah just now and I liked what was repeatedly said on the show, a quote from Maya Angelou (who is an autobiographer, I realised after some digging up).

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

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The episode was about betrayal. There were women who had experienced what had happened--or is happening to a myriad of women all over the world, regardless of age, race and what nots. And I am not of an exception--now is not the time to argue technicalities.

All of them admitted having ignored what was right in front of them, only because they wanted to continue the happy life they had. And that it was not only about giving up on the person, but most importantly and most difficult of all was giving up on the idea of a fairy tale.

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One woman said something that struck something in me. She said that the worse part was that everybody knew but her, and so the betrayal grew somewhat exponentially.

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How do you decide if you should say something? When is a couple issue your issue too?

craving for cafe latte

I think the man intended for me to be where I was this afternoon. I am happy to have been but exuberant for things that would not happen.

upped

It is remarkable how things become real once you verbalise it--at least based on my experience.

Today, I said it. And even if I knew all along, I can't help but feel that something changed today.

Today, one person became more...more.

i'd like a coke light please

6 x 30ish

I was around the area of my previous workplace and I realized how much I miss it. It has only been six months since I worked there, but it seems so much longer than that.

I strolled a bit on the shops that I used to frequent. Proud to say, I didn't buy anything. One of my favorite shops closed down though. Now I don't know if there is any other branch in Singapore. It is probably the reason that I didn't get anything.

Of course I bought that thing in the brown bag. I smile to myself in remembrance of the time when I had that for breakfast everyday. Sometimes, afternoon snack as well.

I also got off a train station I seem never to get off at anymore. Wow.

Six months could be a long time if we are talking about development.

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While it was quite nostalgic, I would have felt odd if I find that everything else had remained the same but me. Change is good.

wrong

There is such a thing (and a book) as Honour Among Thieves. And on a practical sense, it is one's ethical responsibility to your like.

If a certain someone's acts continue to defy the protocol, would it mean you are wrong? And the other party is not your like?

the flesh is weak

I have a feeling that this year, I wouldn't have that single entry that sums up the year that was. Instead, I'd have multiple entries standing as snippets of twelve months lived.

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The flesh is weak.

Don't take it literally, I don't cut. Or subject myself to physical pain to feel.

I also was not injured.

No. Of course it is not about getting physical!

It is, giving into a whim. For various reasons like it helped pass the time, you felt like it or that you were bored.

This year, I gave into a whim. I could have hurt some people. Or someone.

And while all is well that ends well, that thing would always be that thing.

kissed by fire

In one of my favorite books, there is also a wall and that wall separates the others from the rest of the world. Maybe you can argue that it separates the world from the others. My favorite character watches over that wall, so that no one and nothing crosses over.

I have a wall too. While I don't have a direwolf and am not responsible for it, I was always cautious that nothing crossed over.

One day, something did.

And then there were crows laughing, waiting to take a piece of the casualty.

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I passed the wall again today. It is very much different from how I remembered.

It was not a dark place. There was even, you won't believe this...a mother and child.There was a brother tending to it.And another making sure the rubbish is in the right place.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will my wall, ever not be my wall? Ygritte is dead.

U Turn...

To get to my house from certain places, you need to make a U-turn.It is funny how whenever I tell the cab driver to make a U turn, they (yes, each and everyone of them!) would say "U turn BACK ah?".

(U turn back <-- do you mean, back on this same direction? LOL)

I don't get it

Are you able to tell me what their business is? :-p(click on photo to enlarge)

Friday the 13th (the third since....)

So maybe this is not the most discreet of photos. And maybe this is me saying that I like the pace.

turn

How do you know how much something is worth to you?

imagine

she says i can't imagine 10K.

i think okay....

she says also, i can't run, i only do sprints.

i think okay....

she says then he told me "you do 100 meter sprints right? now multiply that by 100", and i'm like...whoa.

i think okaaay....

imagine.

lost

tonight. you.

#13

If a person's answer to what is your greatest extravagance? is you, what does that mean?